Currently Reading:
A Sourcebook in Asian Philosophyby John M. Koller, and Patricia Koller
Being Mindful of What and Why:Every one of us has something that we want to improve upon. One of my biggest things is that I tend to push people away; friends, family, lovers, pets, anyone and everyone. This was something I came to realize a few years ago, and have come to know as my single greatest fault. I've always known that I wasn't especially good with inter-personal relationships, but I could never put my finger on why until I realized that I was pushing people away from me. Sometimes it is a passive detachment, and sometimes it is a forceful push, but they are different degrees of pushing people away from me. Just coming to know and admit this was no small feat(thinly veiled ego stroke), but what good is that?
Just Noticing:I finally asked my teacher the other day how I can stop pushing people away from me. He said that when you do that, it's preceded by a thought. When you feel yourself have that feeling of pushing away, take a moment and observe that thought. Don't push it away, don't grab onto it, don't try to change it, don't try to toy with it, don't do anything to it, just notice it.
In Buddhism, our inner demons that we wrestle with (self doubt, greed, fear, etc) are personified as Mara. Mara is that part of us that tries to distract us from what we should be doing with what we shouldn't be doing. Mara is that part of us that would rather make out with our girlfriends (or boyfriends) when we should be studying.
Even after Buddha's enlightenment, Mara still tried to come to him to tempt him away from his life of teaching. The Buddha would see Mara about to try a trick, and he would say, "I see you Mara," and Mara would run away. Buddha didn't try to stop Mara, talk to Mara, fight Mara, all he did was notice him. Mara needs to be sneaky. He needs you to think that his voice is your voice, so that you will think that whatever he is telling you is what you ought to be doing. But if we notice Mara when he does such things, we aren't fooled, and it is easy to avoid the things he tries to get us to do.
Again, Mara is a metaphor, a Jungian archetype for an innate part of us. No magic, or woo-woo explanations, just every day things that we live with in every minute.
Catching a Thought:I had never noticed that pushing someone away was a thought. The reaction is so fast and so instantaneous that it doesn't seem like there is a thought all, but rather a knee-jerk reaction. But in order to have a psychological reaction, there must be a thought. It has been a couple of days, and I have begun to almost catch a glimpse of that thought, but not quite.
Namaste,
CET
"Much of the suffering in the world comes from the illusion that we are separate from one another." - Gautama Buddha