Author Archive for steppen wolf

i did not know it would be like this

Published
by
steppen wolf
on August 7, 2010
.


I have not written in a while... so many things have changed in my life over the past two years, there was (and still is) so much to worry about, that I did not have the strength to keep writing on this blog - writing in the way I used to write, with the same frequency, and about the same topics. I know that this period of my life will pass, that things will improve soon. I know this rationally, but I cannot quite feel it yet.

My father passed away a few months ago. For the first month, so many things needed to be done that I did not allow myself to feel anything during the day. Sometime, at night, that part of me would be let loose, and I would find it extremely hard to fall asleep. But then I would get exhausted, sleep, and things would keep going. I felt like I could control this, if only I stayed concentrated on the myriad of things that needed to be taken care of.

But you can only do this for so long. After that month, I got back to my life, but things have started to get worse. Maybe they need to - maybe I need to allow myself to feel the pain, so that I can get over it later, or that I can at least learn how to co-exist with it. But when I let it loose, I simply relinquish control over things - those things that still need doing.

The world does not wait for you - time, life, do not wait for you. It does not matter whether I want to give myself time - time just moves on, the years go by, and chances are missed. I need to get back on track now, not some four-six months in the future, but I fell like all the strength to do that has been sapped, has been sucked right out of me.

I rationally know that this is part of the process, but I wish I could just concentrate on those damned books, on talking to the people I need to talk to, on taking the steps that need taking now, right now.

How do you do this? What strategy do you use to get through something like this without letting the rest fall behind schedule?

P.S. I have always despised people who use blogs just to whine about their own petty personal problems (and the shtuff they bought at the mall). But I guess sometimes one just needs to say it out loud, even when the people around you probably can't take the mood swings anymore... so here I am.

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i did not know it would be like this

Published
by
steppen wolf
on August 7, 2010
.


I have not written in a while... so many things have changed in my life over the past two years, there was (and still is) so much to worry about, that I did not have the strength to keep writing on this blog - writing in the way I used to write, with the same frequency, and about the same topics. I know that this period of my life will pass, that things will improve soon. I know this rationally, but I cannot quite feel it yet.

My father passed away a few months ago. For the first month, so many things needed to be done that I did not allow myself to feel anything during the day. Sometime, at night, that part of me would be let loose, and I would find it extremely hard to fall asleep. But then I would get exhausted, sleep, and things would keep going. I felt like I could control this, if only I stayed concentrated on the myriad of things that needed to be taken care of.

But you can only do this for so long. After that month, I got back to my life, but things have started to get worse. Maybe they need to - maybe I need to allow myself to feel the pain, so that I can get over it later, or that I can at least learn how to co-exist with it. But when I let it loose, I simply relinquish control over things - those things that still need doing.

The world does not wait for you - time, life, do not wait for you. It does not matter whether I want to give myself time - time just moves on, the years go by, and chances are missed. I need to get back on track now, not some four-six months in the future, but I fell like all the strength to do that has been sapped, has been sucked right out of me.

I rationally know that this is part of the process, but I wish I could just concentrate on those damned books, on talking to the people I need to talk to, on taking the steps that need taking now, right now.

How do you do this? What strategy do you use to get through something like this without letting the rest fall behind schedule?

P.S. I have always despised people who use blogs just to whine about their own petty personal problems (and the shtuff they bought at the mall). But I guess sometimes one just needs to say it out loud, even when the people around you probably can't take the mood swings anymore... so here I am.

View blog reactions

new comment policy

Published
by
steppen wolf
on July 25, 2010
.


I have not been writing on this blog but, just in case you are interesting in commenting, this is something you should know.

I have activated full moderation, given the increase in spam posts on this blog. Now all comments will have to be moderated. Sorry, but it had to be done - I have activated Google's spam control, but it is not helping much.

Please feel free to follow my tweets - on the side - I am more active on Twitter these days, even though I would love to come back to blog writing. It is hopefully going to happen soon.

View blog reactions

new comment policy

Published
by
steppen wolf
on July 25, 2010
.


I have not been writing on this blog but, just in case you are interesting in commenting, this is something you should know.

I have activated full moderation, given the increase in spam posts on this blog. Now all comments will have to be moderated. Sorry, but it had to be done - I have activated Google's spam control, but it is not helping much.

Please feel free to follow my tweets - on the side - I am more active on Twitter these days, even though I would love to come back to blog writing. It is hopefully going to happen soon.

View blog reactions

war on Xmas – the Atheist Anthem Competition

Published
by
steppen wolf
on December 7, 2008
.


Not that atheists are declaring war on Xmas, but you can imagine the reaction of the crazies if they only found out...

...that Q Transmissions, a weekly skeptical call-in talk show in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, has started a singing contest for a new atheist anthem!

You can find the music and lyrics on their website, and send them your best rendition of the anthem.

So keep those submissions flowing, and your atheism glowing!

View blog reactions

war on Xmas – the Atheist Anthem Competition

Published
by
steppen wolf
on December 7, 2008
.


Not that atheists are declaring war on Xmas, but you can imagine the reaction of the crazies if they only found out...

...that Q Transmissions, a weekly skeptical call-in talk show in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, has started a singing contest for a new atheist anthem!

You can find the music and lyrics on their website, and send them your best rendition of the anthem.

So keep those submissions flowing, and your atheism glowing!

View blog reactions

MCB Carnival is coming – need a host!

Published
by
steppen wolf
on December 6, 2008
.


Work is taking over my life lately. Not that it's a bad sign, but it's been keeping me away from my blog a little too much. In the meantime, that time of the month is coming – yes, the Molecular and Cell Biology Carnival is approaching fast, and I am on the lookout for a host!

There are two easy ways to become a host: you can contact me at the e-mail on the right hand column of this blog, or you can leave a comment on this post. Make sure you read more about being a host at the MCB website. The carnival will take place on December 14, so make sure you contact me soon!

While I am looking for a host, I would also like to invite you to submit your post for the Carnival – you can e-mail me directly, or use this submission form.

Last but not least, I cannot leave you without something funny and, of course, Prop 8-related. I am quite sure this clip, found through a friend, is going to make your day.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

P.S. The latest Skeptics' Circle edition is up!

View blog reactions

MCB Carnival is coming – need a host!

Published
by
steppen wolf
on December 6, 2008
.


Work is taking over my life lately. Not that it's a bad sign, but it's been keeping me away from my blog a little too much. In the meantime, that time of the month is coming – yes, the Molecular and Cell Biology Carnival is approaching fast, and I am on the lookout for a host!

There are two easy ways to become a host: you can contact me at the e-mail on the right hand column of this blog, or you can leave a comment on this post. Make sure you read more about being a host at the MCB website. The carnival will take place on December 14, so make sure you contact me soon!

While I am looking for a host, I would also like to invite you to submit your post for the Carnival – you can e-mail me directly, or use this submission form.

Last but not least, I cannot leave you without something funny and, of course, Prop 8-related. I am quite sure this clip, found through a friend, is going to make your day.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

P.S. The latest Skeptics' Circle edition is up!

View blog reactions

oh great Ceiling Cat…

Published
by
steppen wolf
on December 2, 2008
.



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oh great Ceiling Cat…

Published
by
steppen wolf
on December 2, 2008
.



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today it’s Join The Impact day!

Published
by
steppen wolf
on November 15, 2008
.


That's right, it is time to get out on the street with your local LGBT association and protest against the passing of Prop 8.

If you want to get involved and get more information, you can visit these pages:
I am also following the protest on Twitter, so you can get fast updates by becoming one of my followers, or simply by refreshing this blog -- new tweets appear in the right column.

View blog reactions

today it’s Join The Impact day!

Published
by
steppen wolf
on November 15, 2008
.


That's right, it is time to get out on the street with your local LGBT association and protest against the passing of Prop 8.

If you want to get involved and get more information, you can visit these pages:
I am also following the protest on Twitter, so you can get fast updates by becoming one of my followers, or simply by refreshing this blog -- new tweets appear in the right column.

View blog reactions

Gossip Friday

Published
by
steppen wolf
on November 15, 2008
.


Friday afternoon, time to ramble... here are a few interesting things for you to read:
  • I tried to embed comments on my blog - this is a new Blogger feature - and for some reason, the comment form just doesn't show. Great. I guess we are back to the ugly comment page, as per usual
  • I have added another feature, which also does not seem to work, though I might be wrong. You will soon be able to rate posts, just to give me an idea of what you like to read, and what bores you out of your mind.
  • Did you know that "kids" up to 18 years of age are being abandoned in Nebraska hospitals, following the passing of a safe-heaven law which did not impose an age limit on the children that could be left in hospitals without having to fear legal repercussions? The abandonments are reaching worrying numbers, so that Nebraska will now have to consider re-wording the law.
  • A few exoplanets have been not only identified, but imaged, very recently. The images are amazing, and they make me wonder how many more fantastic things one could discover with all the money that goes to armaments and maintaining outdated nuclear heads.
  • Countries of the Eurozone are now officially in recession. How does this matter... well, I am from there, and my family is still there, that's how. It is not good news my friends... apart from the fact that we can expect oil prices to fall. I say, certain countries in the Eurozone have been in recession for a long time, just that nobody wanted to see it.
  • There have been rumors that bone marrow transplants can cure HIV, since it has been reported that a man previously affected by both leukemia and AIDS managed to get both to disappear after a bone marrow transplant. I say: even if you can imagine a world where everyone had that lucky compatible donor with the mutant version of CCR5, a third of those undergoing the transplant would still die, in a matter of months. Does this look like a cure to you?
  • For more crappy news, a Lancet study on the Merck HIV trials vaccine was published. Basically, scientists cannot figure out why in the world the vaccine did not work. I don't blame them. I am starting to wonder whether asking infected T cells to kill other infected T cells is a viable strategy in the fight against AIDS.
  • I know, now you are craving for good news. Or just for something fun to read. Here it goes then. "Behind every successful woman, there's an astonished husband." Words of the first female four-star general of the United States. This in a country where "women are barred from combat roles but have been allowed in the last two decades to serve in a wide variety of other positions." And they say the gender gap does not exist -- hell, women should have the same right to die as men...
  • It's a gloomy day around here, it's cold, and I feel like things haven't be going the way I wanted them to go. But I think I am just confused...like this:

YOU�RE DOING IT WRONG!

View blog reactions

Gossip Friday

Published
by
steppen wolf
on November 15, 2008
.


Friday afternoon, time to ramble... here are a few interesting things for you to read:
  • I tried to embed comments on my blog - this is a new Blogger feature - and for some reason, the comment form just doesn't show. Great. I guess we are back to the ugly comment page, as per usual
  • I have added another feature, which also does not seem to work, though I might be wrong. You will soon be able to rate posts, just to give me an idea of what you like to read, and what bores you out of your mind.
  • Did you know that "kids" up to 18 years of age are being abandoned in Nebraska hospitals, following the passing of a safe-heaven law which did not impose an age limit on the children that could be left in hospitals without having to fear legal repercussions? The abandonments are reaching worrying numbers, so that Nebraska will now have to consider re-wording the law.
  • A few exoplanets have been not only identified, but imaged, very recently. The images are amazing, and they make me wonder how many more fantastic things one could discover with all the money that goes to armaments and maintaining outdated nuclear heads.
  • Countries of the Eurozone are now officially in recession. How does this matter... well, I am from there, and my family is still there, that's how. It is not good news my friends... apart from the fact that we can expect oil prices to fall. I say, certain countries in the Eurozone have been in recession for a long time, just that nobody wanted to see it.
  • There have been rumors that bone marrow transplants can cure HIV, since it has been reported that a man previously affected by both leukemia and AIDS managed to get both to disappear after a bone marrow transplant. I say: even if you can imagine a world where everyone had that lucky compatible donor with the mutant version of CCR5, a third of those undergoing the transplant would still die, in a matter of months. Does this look like a cure to you?
  • For more crappy news, a Lancet study on the Merck HIV trials vaccine was published. Basically, scientists cannot figure out why in the world the vaccine did not work. I don't blame them. I am starting to wonder whether asking infected T cells to kill other infected T cells is a viable strategy in the fight against AIDS.
  • I know, now you are craving for good news. Or just for something fun to read. Here it goes then. "Behind every successful woman, there's an astonished husband." Words of the first female four-star general of the United States. This in a country where "women are barred from combat roles but have been allowed in the last two decades to serve in a wide variety of other positions." And they say the gender gap does not exist -- hell, women should have the same right to die as men...
  • It's a gloomy day around here, it's cold, and I feel like things haven't be going the way I wanted them to go. But I think I am just confused...like this:

YOU�RE DOING IT WRONG!

View blog reactions