Author Archive for Kristi Collins Page 3 of 4
If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.
- being a family is hard
- living is hard
- living a life after breast cancer is hard
- getting along with others is hard
- being honest is hard
- saying your sorry is hard
- being yourself is hard
- loving unconditionally is hard
- giving of yourself is hard
- thinking that your not giving of yourself enough is hard on your mind
- thinking about problems is hard
- quitting smoking is real hard
- forgiveness is hard but shouldn’t be so
- letting yourself go and be ‘you’ is hard
- being honest is hard
- loving yourself is the hardest
it makes me feel good when i buy myself flowers
i feel good not smoking
i feel good getting some exercise in my life. i want to look good but knowing that it can reduce my risk of a breast cancer recurrence helps me to keep at it too..plus, i need something else to do while i’m not smoking.
i feel shitty that i still drink to much wine, but hey, can’t win’em all.
Kristi - Free and Healing for One Month, Fifteen Days, 7 Hours and 58 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 9 Hours, by avoiding the use of 695 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $191.48.
It has been almost four weeks since I started with my trainer. I don’t really see much results yet. I know that I am definitely getting stronger and I’m able to do a more intense workout.
After the hour sessions three times a week of strength training, I usually do cardio for a half an hour. If I want to lower my body fat it seems I’m going to have to do more cardio. I need to get to the gym more than those three days. Time is not an issue since I have a flexible schedule. Its just getting my ass motivated to get there more days.
I downloaded this free quit smoking meter..its great to keep me motivated. Here is what it said for today..
Kristi - Free and Healing for One Month, Eleven Days, 8 Hours and 54 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 2 Days and 4 Hours, by avoiding the use of 636 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $175.09.
Sometimes I want to crack and smoke soooooo bad. I don’t think those who never smoked can understand what its like. Even though a smoker knows how bad it is ..we want it anyway and enjoy it too!
Positive thing..no smoking in bars in NJ so it helps when out drinking
Negative thing..watching someone smoke a cig in a movie..makes me want one.
"I can indeed hardly see how anyone ought to wish Christianity to be true; for if so the plain language of the text seems to show that the men who do not believe, and this would include my Father, Brother, and almost all my best friends, will be everlastingly punished. And this is a damnable doctrine.”
It is fine to make grand, wonderful plans and to then bring those plans to life through your efforts. Yet do not ignore the quiet, stunningly beautiful treasures in each ordinary moment.
Happiness is not in some distant place of perfection and pleasure. Happiness is waiting for you to give it life in this moment.
If all of your dreams were to suddenly come true, you would have no use for them. For the real essence of their joy is in the journey you take to reach those dreams.
It is in working your way through each day, one moment after another, that you connect with the value of life. Every flavor of experience adds to the richness in one way or another.
Do not put a lot of effort into judging whether today is good or bad, happy or sad. Just go ahead and live it with a thankful heart, and you will surely experience this day’s own special value.”
––Anonymous quote from the Young Widows Bulletin Board.
Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams . If I didn’t drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, ‘It is better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.’
~ Jack Handy
Thanks Rita for the fun quote!!
In November of 2006, while working for www.thecancerblog.com I wrote a post about a great product invented for trendy women with lymphedema. Sadly, the founder & president Rachel has passed away from a recurrence of breast cancer.
I did not know Rachel, but I think I met her and spoke to her briefly at her booth at the YSC conference last year. The following is my post on the cancer blog and this is her personal website and intimate look at her life living with metastatic breast cancer. She was, and is, an inspirational woman.
Lymphedema is a chronic condition that causes excess fluid to collect in tissue and produce swelling. In breast cancer survivors the swelling can occur in the arm or hand because the lymphatic system has been compromised by surgery or radiation. Its an unattractive and painful reminder of having breast cancer that never goes away.
Robin Miller, 23, and Rachel Levin, 36, are young breast cancer survivors that developed lymphedema after their breast cancer treatment. They were required to wear an uncomfortable, beige orthopedic-looking sleeve. They decided that there had to be a better solution for the look and feel of the sleeves they would have to wear. They approached Kristin Dudley, a Drexel fashion design graduate, with the idea of creating fashionable compression garments that would bring together form and function.
These three friends have made it their mission to help breast cancer survivors manage their lymphedema in a fashionable way, and inspire them to feel confident and attractive with their company called LympheDIVAs. The armsleeves are made of high-tech fibers and come in fashionable colors and designs.
"The look and style of the sleeves has remained the same for over 30 years" said Rachel Levin. "There is absolutely no reason it can’t look stylish and still be an effective medical device"
“I don’t know if I continue, even today, always liking myself. But what I learned to do many years ago was to forgive myself. It is very important for every human being to forgive herself or himself because if you live, you will make mistakes- it is inevitable. But once you do and you see the mistake, then you forgive yourself and say, ‘well, if I’d known better I’d have done better,’ that’s all. So you say to people who you think you may have injured, ‘I’m sorry,’ and then you say to yourself, ‘I’m sorry.’ If we all hold on to the mistake, we can’t see our own glory in the mirror because we have the mistake between our faces and the mirror; we can’t see what we’re capable of being. You can ask forgiveness of others, but in the end the real forgiveness is in one’s own self. I think that young men and women are so caught by the way they see themselves. Now mind you. When a larger society sees them as unattractive, as threats, as too black or too white or too poor or too fat or too thin or too sexual or too asexual, that’s rough. But you can overcome that. The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself. If we don’t have that we never grow, we never learn, and sure as hell we should never teach.”
I thought of Liz today. She died from breast cancer two years ago this month. She was not a long time friend but a new friend that I had met at a YSC breast cancer conference.
Something about her right away attracted me. She was a fun, crazy, get to know you right away kind of person..and an amazing woman. I will miss her.
What I posted as my quote today was the last few words she wrote on the website she created called PINC. (Personal Information Network for Cancer)
I don’t ‘do’ New Year resolutions. I do however want to make positive changes in my life.
I quit smoking..again. Its not cool to smoke and really not cool if your a cancer survivor. Once an addict, always an addict. I didn’t quit when I was diagnosed with breast cancer, instead, I had a cig and said "fuck, i have cancer"!! I did manage to quit for almost a full year and then thought on vacation I could have a few cigs. Some people might be able to do that but I can’t have any or I’m back to smoking like ten a day.
I quit the day after the new year and haven’t smoked since. This time, I hope for good. I know that there is always a possibility that I might have to be back in that chemo chair, but I don’t want it to be my doing!
I am also trying to get it together by going to the gym. I got myself a personal trainer. Why? because I’m too lazy to just go to the gym on my own. I won’t skip an appointment so this works well for me. My trainer is Rob and he is kicking my ass. It is really much more than I expected. I’m learning how to exercise the right way and also to eat better and more frequently throughout the day. Laying off the wine is my biggest challenge.
I took Steve to the eye specialist today. Its not looking good. Last year Steve started to squint a lot and his eye looked cloudy. I took him to a few Vets in my area. None of the Vets could tell me what was wrong with him and they finally referred me to a hospital about an hour and a half away. Amazing place I must say.
After Steve’s first visit with Dr. Ringle he was diagnosed within five minutes. It wasn’t good news but at least I knew what the problem was and we could start to treat it. Steve had a degenerative eye disease that causes the lens to detach from the eye and actually float around. It needed to be removed (the lens).
He had the operation and healed great. The Dr. said he would be able to see but not that great. Steve’s other eye started doing the same thing ..we were trying to prevent this with meds but it didn’t work. This time though we could not take out the lens since it had went to the back of his eye.
This eye now has to be removed and a false eye put in its place, also his operated eye with the removed lens has glaucoma and he has a good chance of going totally blind in that eye.
Steve is a great dog and still loves to play ball even though he can hardly see it. I found this great website called www.blinddogs.net and its so cute..dogs that ’see’ with their heart. So many good tips on there and one thing I loved reading is that their sense of smell and hearing are more important than sight.
Most dogs that are blind lead normal happy lives…can navigate the house, learn to use stairs. amazing!
I feel a bit better now knowing that he will adapt if he does become totally blind..in the mean time I will be giving him about 10-12 drops a day of four different meds to treat the glaucoma.
is my birthday and also six years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer. That day six years ago was also a Tuesday.
This Friday I’ll be at my yearly oncology visit. I am going to get tumor markers done this time.
After six years I still don’t feel safe from a recurrence happening but I definitely deal with the fear much better. I just finished my five years on tamoxifen. A drug that can help prevent a recurrence, SO without that drug will I still be NED? (no evidence of disease). Hopefully..they say that even after five years on tamoxifen it continues to benefit.
On a lighter note, my husband, meaning well of course gave me this for one of my presents for my birthday. Not something you expect to get at the age of 37 but he knows I do suffer from night sweats so he is trying to help me out…
however..how depressing is opening this…lol ..in the upper right hand corner ..FOR MENOPAUSE.. Apparently he is also unaware of the breast cancer/soy controversy. Thanks anyway babe!
Lori was diagnosed with cancer, like me, on her birthday. I found her webpage called I’m Too Sexy For My Hair back in 2005 and read it frequently.
I read that Lori passed away at the end of October, she was only 31. Lori had cancer of the Unknown Primary. I wrote a post at www.cancerblog.com on cancer of the Unknown Primary back in July 2006 and mentioned Lori’s blog.
One of the funniest things I read on her blog is that she called her cancer ad-duh-no-carcinoma! ( technical name…adenocarcinoma of the unknown primary).
Starting on Lori’s birthday her husband Cary decided to keep her memory and blog alive by embarking on 365 Days: The Lori Miller Memorial Project.
I look forward to reading more about Lori.
I haven’t been blogging a lot. Just haven’t been in the mood I guess.
Just been playing chess with my husband (ok, we both stink), drinking red wine and listening to lots of Tom Petty.
life is good.
Friends of ours Ryan & Jenn dressed up their son Logan as a Hershey’s kiss..
and lets not forget about JR’s bunny costume!
I think my family did a great job at writing the obituary so I’m going to copy some of what was posted in the newspaper.
Rieco, Louis., 87. November 14, 2007. Lou was a member of Plumbers Union Local # 690 for over 50 years. He took great pleasure in sharing his knowledge and skills with all the young apprentices he worked with, patiently teaching them his craft.
Lou always enjoyed working with his hands and always helping family, friends and neighbors with any problems or projects around the house. Lou was proud to be an Honor Roll Student at Central High School’s 170th graduating Class.
Another thing Lou loved to do for both his children and grandchildren was to teach them his favorite songs, poems and recitations that he remembered from his school days.
One of Lou’s favorite hobbies was bowling. He was a member of St. Gabriel’s Bowling Team for many years. He was a life long resident of the Grays ferry section of Philadelphia and North Wildwood, New Jersey.
Lou was an Army Veteran. He was happily married for 59 years to his wife Marge.
Some of my own memories about pop-pop:
- loved getting his hair brushed by his grandchildren when we were young.
- loved a nice glass of coke with ice and he would swish around before he took a sip.
- loved to show me what he made out of broken tools or machines. He would show me and explain what he did, letting my know that anyone else might have thrown that stuff out. I would tell him "your a genius pop"..his reply "i know".
- loved the Laurence Welk show and could tell you who every actor was and who they married and when they died.
- loved my mom-mom dearly and missed her so much after she died.
- always told me how beautiful he thought she was
- he would run and jump over the edge in the pool yelling "can-opener"!!..maybe even up to age 70
- If you asked him if he had a green leaf (piece of candy he loved), he would say "not a one".
- summertime the family was all together in one house in wildwood. when the watermelon was brought out for desert he would ask all the grandkids.."do you want a piece as big as your head"?
- always took the grandkids for bike rides - we would sit on the front bar and off we went. (of course he made it comfy for us to sit)
I know I’ll think of many more memories but if any of the family/friends can think of things special to them please leave a comment.
When you get what you want in your struggle for wealth,
And the world makes you King for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself,
And see what that man has to say.
For if it is not your father or mother or wife whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life Is the one staring back in the glass.
Some people might think you are a straight shootin’ chum and call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you’re only a bum, If you can’t look him straight in the eye.
He’s the fellow to please, never mind all the rest, For he’s with you dear up to the end.
And you have passed your most dangerous, difficult test If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years, and get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears If you have cheated the man in the glass.
Tune in tomorrow the 10th to see my friend and fellow young breast cancer survivor Jenn on the Tyra show!
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