I'm in my final days here in Albuquerque... and recently had what may well be my final day at the BioPark. I was out on a career day program at a school, which really ended things on a high note, because the school I was at was just that great.



Now I'm ready to turn in my vest and my key (although I've been encouraged not to) because I know that without a Zoo to You partner (we don't have any potential van docents in the last couple classes, and the next one won't graduate and get van training until next spring) I likely won't be getting any of the overnight trips. And while I love the zoo, I don't see myself buying a train ticket then taking the train and hour and a half into Albuquerque to volunteer for an hour or two then take the train an hour and a half home. If I were employed, that would be a different story. But I just can't afford it this way.

I find it rather ironic that we had a career day for my last local outreach. Talking to those kids reminded me a lot of all the various dreams I had when I was a kid, and how all the accomplishments of my youth seem somehow diminished or nullified with age. My former partner (who went back to work as a vet tech last year) came back for this one last trip, and we were talking about how we accomplished all these great things in our young adult days, and they somehow feel like they happened in another lifetime. It's been ages since she was a pilot ranked number 100 (23 were chosen) for astronaut training. Now she's giving dogs chemo. It's been ages since I was helping design state of the art testing equipment, and now I'm a former teacher teaching as a volunteer.

As I say my goodbyes to the BioPark, I'm starting to think of what I want to do, what I want to become, next. In some ways I'm not terribly different from the kids at career day who are more dreaming than thinking of what their future holds. Once again I'm unfettered and have so many options of which direction to go, and as of yet, I don't know which of the paths that lay before me end in a career, in fulfillment, or in dead ends.

I've gotten very comfortable here, and maybe in order to step forward I have to step out of my comfort zone. And so I find myself in these last couple weeks in Albuquerque looking back a lot less than I used to when I move. I've already got these things etched in memory and heart. Instead I'm looking forward.

Over a year and a half ago I wrote "How to Prepare for Homelessness" I now once again find myself in the same situation I did back then when I wrote 27 Cents Short of a Taco. In short, Section 8 is sitting on paperwork which I need to move, with a termination of lease and Section 8 for this city coming up at the end of the month.

In previous posts I've described briefly how the timeline goes:

(1) Put in 30 day notice with apartment complex, get it signed as received by the management.

(2) Call Section 8 (in city A) and wait for an appointment.

(3)Have an appointment with Section 8 (in city A) and totally re-certify.

(4) Wait until Section 8 (in city B) receives the paperwork, then call to schedule an appointment.

(5) Meet with Section 8 in city B, get housing voucher from that city.

(6) Go get an apartment, but DON'T SIGN THE LEASE YET or move in (that will invalidate the voucher)

(7) Once you've secured an apartment, schedule a unit inspection with Section 8.

(8) Have the unit inspected, then sign the lease.

And yes, it all has to be done in that order.

I'd put in my 30 day notice a little early on April 30th. I then called my Section 8 worker to get an appointment. She wanted me to schedule for two weeks out... which gave me (and city B) only two weeks to do steps 4-8: Meet with the other housing unit, find an apartment, schedule an inspection, sign the lease and move in. Obviously that wasn't going to work, especially when she told me that they no longer faxed the vouchers, but sent them US Post.

With a little insistence (and calls to the Section 8 manager) I got an appointment for May 1... and since then have been calling Santa Fe to schedule my appointment with them, which is contingent on their receiving the paperwork from Albuquerque. Now it only take a day for mail to get from here to Santa Fe, and it hasn't arrived. I could excuse this all by saying "well, maybe it got lost in the mail" but the apartment complex here in Albuquerque hasn't gotten THEIR letter (which I was given a copy of) that was also supposed to have been mailed on the 1st.

And Albuquerque Housing has not returned my calls.

So here's the situation: I have to move out on June 2nd. Section 8 in Santa Fe can't start my grant there until they get the paperwork from Albuquerque. Once they get that paperwork, they have to schedule an appointment, and they are also telling me that it's going to take a week or two to get that done. Both Housing Units assure me that it's not THEIR problem what the other unit is doing with my grant, and that if I can't get them to do their work in a timely fashion, I'm out of luck.

Out of luck means homeless.

You'd think that once you've got your housing grant, once things have started rolling, that it'd just be a matter of providing the information they want when they want it. It isn't. All of us are under the Sword of Damocles. We never know when that thin thread that keeps us housed, fed, and provided with medical care will snap... and it doesn't matter what we do, what precautions we take.

Today I also spent time in the Medicaid office. Friday I received notice that my SLIMB (the program that pays my Medicare premiums) was ending due to "Failure to complete recertification". They never sent me recertification forms or notified me that I was due for recertification. That means that next month my Social Security payment is "supposed" to be reduced to pay for my Medicare premium according to the Medicaid office. Social Security, however, has no record of any of this happening.

Social Security has also failed to provide an official notice stating that Cay's checks based on my benefit end this month. They have nothing officially on record. They did provide a letter from the local office today that stated that she'll stop receiving Social Security "when she graduates"... which no agency will take because it has no actual date of termination. Oh, and the dates on the letter are wrong, stating that the amount she's getting has been the same since Dec 2011... and it's an amount that she's NEVER received. I can only assume that her May check will be prorated, and for some reason the amount for the next check is right, but the record is totally messed up. (no, it doesn't make sense to me, either)

Some good news in all this: While I was writing this post, Santa Fe called me back. The case worker over there has been VERY good about returning my calls. While she did NOT receive my paperwork, she did agree to set up an appointment for the 17th in anticipation of receiving that paperwork. The appointment, as it turns out, was to provide me with a list of the information I am required to provide her in order to secure my voucher (a step I was unaware of, and wasn't in the list above.) I have a pretty good idea of what's required, however, and plan to have it all with me on the 17th, and hopefully can secure my voucher then and there and go directly to the apartment complex and put in my application.

If it all goes smoothly from here, I'll know if there's an apartment available and if my application has been accepted about a week before I have to move... and then I can set up the inspection and hope Section 8 OKs the unit for occupancy and I can sign my lease.

In the mean while, I'm compiling maps of the city services, finding a storage unit for my possessions, and preparing for the possibility that things won't go smoothly, and that I'll wind up out on the street.

I am certain that I'm not the only person who faces these issues.  Being disabled and poor makes you vulnerable.  If one of these government agencies makes a mistake they pass it off and say they'll correct it later (I'm told it may take up to 3 months to rectify the SLIMB issue).  It's no big deal for them: it's an inconvenience.  For people like me it could mean not being able to afford our medicine and medical care for three months. It could mean paying more for rent than we are supposed to.  It could mean homelessness.

I recently read Venessa William's new book, You Have No Idea, for BlogHer Book Club. I was less than impressed. It's rather difficult to write a review, because anything of interest, anything you can't read in a filmography or Wikipedia was summarized in the article on E!Online's website on April 17th (the day of the release of the book). The title of the article: Vanessa Williams' Latest Bombshell: Besides Childhood Molestation, She Had Teenage Abortion was much more spectacular and gut wrenching than the events as portrayed in the book, which Vanessa barely touched upon.

Despite the potential for deep emotional connections and the pain implied by the headlines, Venessa's voice in the book is strangely flat. I had the impression she was simply reciting a rough timeline in her life: at this point I was married. At this point I had this role. At this point I was turned down for that role. There was no insight, just a toneless recitation of the the events that have been covered ad nauseam in the media.

The only redeeming point in the book is Helen's voice. Except for a passing mention of her midnight visit by an older girl on a family vacation, and another passing mention of the abortion, we see nothing of Vanessa that we haven't seen in the newspapers. But Helen... Helen is a different story. Helen's story, growing up in Buffalo with what may or may not be her relatives after being taken from her mother is only hinted at, but is filled with more passion and interest than the very public life of her daughter.

Helen's story leaves you wanting more. Vanessa's story just puts you to sleep.

I remember Vanessa being crowned. I remember the flack over a black Miss America... and it's not terribly different than the flack over a black president: Questions over whether it's "right" to have a black person as a role model... questions over whether they're "black enough"... catching hell from all races for not being "enough" of something. I myself, back in the day fell into that same trap, I'm ashamed to say. I fell on the side of wishing that the first black Miss America was more racially distinct... that there were no question of her "blackness", because I felt very strongly that Miss America should not have to adhere to a caucasian standard of beauty, and that ethnicity (in all it's forms) is beautiful. Now, looking back, I realize that one of those forms is mulatto, and I should have been more accepting.

Vanessa's story is peppered with that conflict, and that's another topic I think would have been interesting to explore more deeply, but was left as an undertone rather than theme in the book.

All in all the book misses the mark. As far as Vanessa Williams is concerned, we still have no idea.

1: get three hours of sleep before a busy, stressful day.
2: eat a good breakfast, then try to choke down a new type of protein bar for lunch on a busy, stressful day after not sleeping.
3: Don't eat every two hours because you're too busy to stop to eat. Because you don't know what you want to eat, because everything seems yucky on a busy, stressful day after not sleeping.
4: Have a quesadilla for dinner because you're out of most foods. Follow it up with a cup of dry Corn Chex. Wonder if it's just that you've been busy, stressed and sleepless (until you note that your blood sugar is way too high).
5: Knowing that you're going to have a reactive hypoglycemic bout, think you're going to tough it out... after all, you haven't had a bad hypoglycemic bout for months, so this shouldn't be that bad. As a matter of fact, wait until you hit 42 to treat.

OK... I admit it: I was stupid. Lesson learned.

Btw... I was glad to see who won The Biggest Loser tonight. Wasn't my first choice, but I'm happier than I would have been if it were one of the other two.

Anyway... I don't want to STAY sick, so I'll be going to bed early today. having a single egg with veggies and a smattering of cheese (and no bread) in the morning, then doing my running around. I WILL get something I can eat for lunch tomorrow, and when I go grocery shopping, I will NOT get any of the following: Tortillas, rice, breakfast cereal, regular granola bars, or ground beef. I will be getting: Fish, ground chicken, beans, berries, misc. veggies, low sodium/low fat deli sliced meats (mostly turkey and chicken). Low carb and "mini-breads" (thin slices, mini-pitas), and Greek yogurt.

Today they turned 18. Tonight they're off to the prom. In just a few weeks, they'll be graduating high school, heading off to college, and starting their adult life.

Today I'm looking at this picture, celebrating how far they've come... celebrating two beautiful young women entering their adult lives filled with hope and excitement. They're dancing, celebrating their birthday, their friendships, their high school life, and the life before them. I'm here, but my heart is also dancing, knowing that they've found their feet, and that their feet are on the right path to their futures.