Part one of my thoughts on the day of silence are really just an exact repost of what I wrote last year. Not much has changed for gay youth. The problems, the bullying and the violence have gotten worse rather than better and sadly, we lost a few beautiful young lives in the process. Below is a repost of what I wrote on Last year’s Day of Silence. I will be writing my thoughts for this year and posting them soon.

Today marks the 11th year of the “Day of Silence“, a day that marks the silence that is forced on those who are being harassed about their real or perceived sexuality. Studies indicate that 1/3 of all students report being harassed over sexual orientation issues. The problem is very real and the silence kids experience is a form of structural violence that does its share of psychological damage.

Currently, a group called “Not our Kids” is asking parents to keep their kids home to protest the protest which is the Day of Silence. The coalition is led by none other than ex-gay, Stephen Bennett and it has been pushed hard by groups like Americans for Truth led by Peter LaBarbera. The actions of this group, pulling kids from school, only highlights the problem and brings more attention to the cause. While this coalition thinks they are making some statement by pulling kids from school, they are actually helping to support the meaning behind the Day of Silence since it is these very groups who create the climate that fuels the hate that causes the silence gay youth are forced to tolerate. The people who support the Day of Silence should send the people who don’t a thank you card since the brouhaha they have created helps bring the problem into the light.

As usual, groups like Americans for Truth, Stephen Bennett Ministries, Faith2Action and others ignore the real problems and offer no alternative solutions to the problems. They claim that homosexuality shouldn’t be discussed in the school, along with an array of issues they have deemed moral issues. I would ask, what gives these folks the power to decide what is a sexuality, science, educational or moral issue?

Homosexuality is not just a moral issue, it has a human face, especially when we are talking about youth. Anti-gay activists are so quick to call any outspoken advocate for gay rights “militant”, “Radical” or “Extreme” when we demand fair treatment or equal rights. The true facts show that these groups are far more militant in action and go to far greater lengths to spread misinformation and untruth than any other political group I have experienced. They claim up and down to be religious groups, but religion plays a small role and politics seems to rule the day.

Gandhi held the belief that each side of a conflict holds a piece of the truth and a piece of the untruth. He believed that nonviolent conflict resolution could be found if each group sat down and pulled together the truths each held and dispelled the untruths. I have personally seen more gays and lesbians willing to do this than I have ever seen from anti-gay groups. I have seen more gay activists willing to compromise for peaceful resolution on the issue than I have ever seen from groups like Americans for Truth or Faith2Action. I see these groups fight, complain and make demands to silence and dehumanize gays but rarely do we see any of them offer solutions to the problems gays and lesbians face and as it has been stated a thousand times in history, if you are not part of the solution, than you must be part of the problem.

The Problem:

• The reason most commonly cited for being harassed frequently in schools is a student’s appearance, as four in ten (39%) teens report that students are frequently harassed for the way they look or their body size. Right behind was sexual orientation as one-third (33%) of teens report that students are frequently harassed because they are or are perceived to be lesbian, gay or bisexual.

• LGBT students are three times as likely as non-LGBT students to say that they do not feel safe at school (22% vs. 7%).

• 90% of LGBT students (vs. 62% of non-LGBT teens) have been harassed or assaulted during the past year.

The Solution from Anti-gay groups:

?

Other posts on the Day of Silence:

Christian Response to the GLBT Youth: Day of Silence?

A recent survey conducted during Gay Pride in 2007 showed that 1 in 4 Rhode Island gay men, bisexual men, and transgender individuals (GBT) experience domestic violence at some point in their life. Sadly, 85% of the respondents do not know any resources for victims of GBT domestic violence and 60% don’t believe RI domestic laws apply to same sex relationships. Far too many of us don’t believe it happens in gay relationships or perhaps we just don’t think about it.In an effort to reach out to GBT victims of domestic violence, the Verizon Foundation has awarded a $75,000 grant to the Massachusetts-based Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project (GMDVP) to expand its innovative 24-hour, hotline program throughout Southern New England, including Rhode Island.

Curt Rogers, Director of GMDVP and a domestic violence survivor, said “the GMDVP hotline provides a necessary service for victims who often fall through the cracks of traditional domestic violence hotlines or outreach.” Deborah DeBare, Executive Director of the Rhode Island Coalition Against Domestic Violence welcomed the hotline’s expansion into Rhode Island: “Our network of agencies is looking forward to collaborating with the Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Hotline to ensure that victims are able to access specialized services.” Rogers noted that “when GMDVP first began in Massachusetts in 1994, there was reluctance from the GBT community to acknowledge and embrace the issue. It took six years for GMDVP to find acceptance within the Massachusetts GBT community. However, Rhode Island’s GBT community seems to be poised to acknowledge the reality of the issue and begin working to help victims.”

The GMDVP began in 1994 with a gay man who was turned away from multiple domestic violence shelters in Massachusetts solely because he is a gay man. He was determined to prevent this from happening to other gay men. From 1994 to 1996, a time their website calls the “start up years”, the organization was driven by volunteers, incorporated and co-founded the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Domestic Violence Coalition who main goal was to educated domestic violence service providers in Massachusetts. Over the next eighteen years, the GMDVP grew to multiple offices, multiple programs and countless awards for their efforts. The organization now offers a full array of domestic violence services, including a safe house, a 24-hour hotline and legal advocacy. Additionally the organization engages in aggressive education and policy advocacy activities to ensure GBT victims have access to services. “In my situation, I was turned away from domestic violence shelters while escaping an attempted murder because the mainstream shelters focused solely on female victims,” said Rogers.

GMDVP has operated a Massachusetts statewide 24-hour hotline for eight years. They now bring this valuable, life saving service to Rhode Island with the help of the Verizon Foundation, The philanthropic arm of Verizon Communications. The Massachusetts and Rhode Island Verizon President says, “Verizon is very proud to work with GMDVP to assist on this worthy project.”

What is Domestic Violence?

There are many stereotypes driving the myths around domestic violence. The most common misconception is that domestic violence is just physical abuse, but is can be emotional abuse, psychological abuse, financial control, social control, stalking or even sexual abuse. The next biggest misconception is that married heterosexual women are always the victims, but the victims come from any age, gender, race, education, cultural, religion and/or sexual orientation.

Domestic abuse is about two things: power and control over the victim. Despite what many people believe, domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior. In fact, violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser in order to take control over his partner. Tactics of control may include intimidation, denial and blame, isolation, accusations of infidelity, humiliation and physical violence.

What is different for Victims of Same Sex Domestic Violence?

I asked Iain Gill of the GMDVP to answer this question for me and he stated, “Firstly there are very limited services for GLBT people affected by intimate partner abuse. Secondly homophobia is still a virulent element in the U.S. culture, as well as bi- and trans-phobia. GLBT people affected by partner abuse can be reluctant to seek service from mainstream organizations, including the police, courts, and health care, for fear of being abused by the system. Then there is also a Lack of Knowledge issue: Most straight people know little about GLBT people and less about domestic violence amongst GLBT people. This lack of knowledge hampers providing support for people affected by GLBT partner abuse, whether the support is informal from family and straight friends or formal, through service-providers, such as mental health professionals or law enforcement. Add to that, increased isolation for GBT folks from family and co workers.”

Recognizing domestic violence is the first step to stopping it.

If you believe you or someone you love is involved in an abusive relationship, it is important to get help. It is important that we overcome our fear of getting involved. It is also difficult to get many victims to admit they are in an abusive relationship. Some of the warning signs may be frequent injuries that always seem to have an excuse of an “accident” or mishap, frequent harassing phone calls from a partner, or sudden withdrawal of an otherwise outgoing person.

The best thing you could do is get some sound advice by calling the Gay Men’s Domestic Violence Project’s Hotline at 1-800- 832-1901.

A study published in the January issue of the Journal of Consciousness Studies explores the idea of phantom body parts, including sexual organs.   The theory behind the study is the brains body map may include body parts that are not there.   Children who were born without arms can have vivid phantom sensations of having arms, including complicated gestures such as waving goodbye.   The theory was first noticed in soldiers who had the legs or arms removed who would expereience phantom pain or sensations that their missing body part is still there or in men who have been in accidents and have lost their penis.   Women who have had a breast removed dur to cancer report similar sensations.

The theory also explores transgender men or women who were born feeling they are not the gender the body displays.   These transgender men actually experience phantom sensations of having a penis, even though they have never had one.  Also, men who have had a male to female transition don’t report having the same feelings or sensations for the penis they had removed, claiming it was never a part of their body image in the first place.

It has never been that shocking or hard to believe for me that some people are born in  the wrong body.  That their brains don’t match or link up with their bodies.   We have had people with all sorts of crosswiring in the brain who see sound or hear colors.  We have people who are born with both sets of sexual organs.  With the realization that all thoise biological occurances have been documented and studied, it makes complete sense to me that someone would feel that they are living in the wrong body.

From the article:

When a limb is amputated, the area of the brain representing that limb is no longer activated by touch. But such areas do not become vacant lots. They get invaded by nerve fibers from adjacent brain areas that map intact body parts. When those parts - say the face or shoulder - are touched, sensations are felt in the missing limb.

Not long after this discovery, a few people wrote to Ramachandran to say that they experienced phantom penises after losing the organ in an accident or to disease. They even had phantom orgasms.

This got Ramachandran wondering whether the phantoms applied to transsexuality. To find out, he surveyed 20 male-to-female transsexual women and 29 female-to-male transsexual men.

You can finish reading about this study by clicking here.

I have long admired the choice of nonviolence that Jeremy Hooper uses on his website, Good As You. Jeremy makes a choice to not call our opposition names or say means things yet calls them out on their anti-gay ways. He uses the power of humor and wit to change hearts and minds. I would aspire to do the same but I am not that witty or clever (at least not online.)

This May 6, 2008 issue of the advocate has a small piece written by Jeremy Hooper on why he has chosen this method of activism:

He writes:

It’s one part strategy, one part sincerity. While it’s true I made a deliberate choice to take a more pacifist approach, it honestly feels more like that tactic chose me. When I entered into this “culture war” debate, the stones just felt wrong in my hand. The more I studied the fight, the more I began to feel that victory would come by highlighting the slings and arrows that are directed toward our community, not by regifting those weapons in a pro-gay fashion.

The Pope has come to spread some message about god to America wearing his prada loafers and traveling in his million dollar bullet proof buggy, but being my cyncial self, I doubt very much he going to be successful.  Convincing the starving and homeless folks in America that god cares about them and their poverty while selling his bullet proof buggy alone could feed them for a year is tough.  He will go home to his mansion with servants they are going back to their cardboard box and a soup kitchen.   I can’t speak for others, but hypocrisy makes me angry.  

Wouldn’t a spokesman for Jesus Christ at least in some way resemble Jesus Christ?

I wonder what it feels like to be watching the Pope travel with his entourage and fancy cars telling people god loves them when you have no money and little hope.   What is it like to hear that message while your home is on the forclosure auction block and your job just got shipped to India?  What happens when you have no money and two sick kids?

It is easy to say nice things to the poor about how god has a plan for their lives when god’s plan for you is a mansion in Rome.

If you think about it today, in celebration of the Pope’s visit, gather up some canned foods and take them to your community food bank.

Ben Stein’s new film, “Expelled” is now in theaters. This massive piece of religious propaganda called “Expelled” is being shown in theaters to promote the idea of intelligent design (ID) as an actual scientific theory. It is not, in fact, it is not even close as the film, Expelled claims.

The film, Expelled makes a number of claims, all of which are about frightening including that Evolution is wrong. One of the claims in the film Expelled, is that ID is being suppressed. Ben Stein says: “Intelligent design was being suppressed in a systematic and ruthless fashion.” That is completely false….

The FACTS:

Intelligent design has not produced any research to suppress. When prominent ID proponent Michael Behe was asked about his research, and why “you don’t do those tests?” he responded, “I myself would prefer to spend time in what I would consider to be more fruitful endeavors.” If even proponents of ID do not think it is a fruitful enterprise, why should the scientific community take any interest in it?

As shown elsewhere on this site, the supposed cases of suppression offered in Expelled are dishonest attempts to make mountains out of molehills and to create martyrs where martyrdom does not exist.

Intelligent design is scientifically unproductive, and this perhaps explains why scientists like Guillermo Gonzalez and Michael Behe publish far fewer papers after they become attracted to intelligent design. Ultimately, intelligent design’s lack of success in science departments is the fault of the flawed and unscientific nature of intelligent design itself, not the result of bias in the scientific community.

The issue is not the suppression of ID, but the lack of warrant for its scientific claims. And ultimately, ID has an uphill struggle to demonstrate that it is, indeed, science. The fundamental problem with intelligent design as science is that intelligent design claims cannot be tested. Scientific testing requires that there be some set of phenomena which are incompatible with your idea. No observation could possibly be incompatible with a claim that an “intelligent agent” (whom everyone recognizes as God) acted to, say, introduce information into a system. Untestable claims are not scientific claims. Regardless of their attractiveness as religious ideas (although many people of faith strongly reject intelligent design) intelligent design has not passed muster as science.

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You can find more of the claims of the movie Expelled at this Expelled Exposed Website where all of the claims made by the movie Expelled are being examined and refuted with actual science.

DISCLAIMER: THIS POST IS IN NO WAY PART OF A MOVEMENT TO CREATE A GOOGLE BOMB ABOUT THE MOVIE CALLED EXPELLED: NO INTELLIGENCE ALLOWED. THIS IS JUST A POST ABOUT EXPELLED AND ANY RESEMBLANCE TO A GOOGLE BOMB IS JUST A FIGMENT OF YOUR EXPELLED IMAGINATION.

In the year 2008, the only way to bring in the brightest and most promising teachers is to offer the best benefits and salary.   Illinois took a turn today that will insure that they cannot attract the best and the brightest teachers for their schools.   The Illinois House of Representatives voted 43 to 67 to defeat HB 4731, a bill that would have allowed unmarried and same-sex partners of public school teachers to qualify as surviving spouses for purpose of survivor and death benefits.   Without this legislation, schools now have fewer tools to attract the best teachers.   This is truly a sad day for Illinois.

Of course, the pro-family/anti-gay Americans for Truth is doing a happy dance thinking they have done some great service to their State and the Country.   I feel sad they are unable to see the damage they are causing youth in that state.   Without this legislation, many of the brightest teachers will be choosing employment in schools that respect and acknowledge their relationships.  This will limit the State of Illinois to only hire teachers that fit into a limited category, therefore leaving some of the best teachers open for universities and schools who do offer better partner benefits.

Janet Folger, president of Faith2Action, has an article up at World Net Daily entitled, How to Win the Culture War.  The article has several issues that scare me, but the biggest would be the metaphors of war and battle language she uses.   Ms. Folger uses terms like “defend” and “attack.”   She refers to the “battle to defend marriage” and “Winning the cultural War” and at one point she outlines the debates in popular culture as “Battlefronts” and discusses moving away from “defense” and adopting a better “offense”.  She refers to the bible and the spirit as a “weapon.” Is anyone else feeling nervous at the use of such warlike metaphors in talking about hot button issues of our day?

Commonly, in conflict resolution studies, we can tell much about how a person views the outcome of a conflict but the metaphors they use to describe the conflict.   Some people may refer to the conflict as a fire that needs to be controlled or extinguished.   Some may see the conflict as an animal using statement like ‘this is ripping me apart” or “she came out of no where and pounced me.”  Others may see a conflict as a dance using statements, “We just are not dancing to the same song.”  

The metaphors people subconsciously choose to describe conflict can give us much insight into how they see the outcome of that conflict.  Someone who sees conflict as a battle or war may see the outcome as a win-lose situation without much compromise.   Someone who compares the conflict to a dance may see collaboration and synchronization as the way to solve the conflict.   One may see the outcome of a conflict at the end of a journey with roadblocks, bumpy roads and steep hills to climb.   Listening to the metaphor someone chooses can help move the conflict into a place where it can be seen in a different way.

In the case of many right wing conservatives and fundamentalist Christians, I tend to see the war and battle metaphors come up often when talking about conflict in our culture.   The problem I see in this is the win-lose outcomes this predicts and the violent imagery of the metaphor.   I also feel uncomfortable with the divisive nature of this picture.

Ms. Folger’s article seems to have an overtone of an epic level battle against good and evil.   Sadly, she presents gays and lesbians as an enemy to be conquered.    After reading the war like language, the divisive projections and thinking about what war looks like, I find this metaphor particularly disturbing.   War is bloody and violent.  Is that how Ms. Folger sees dealing with the issues of gay rights and abortion?

It would appear Ms. Folger sees no compromise or middle ground with gays and lesbians.  Despite the last 20 years of science and research that seem to point more and more to  a biological cause for homosexuality and less and less for changing sexuality, Ms. Folger offers no suggestions of how to treat those who are gay or lesbian.  She appears to just want control or to win against us.   She offers no picture or view of what life will be like for gays and lesbians should she succeed at her goals, which she lists in her article.  I can’t seem to tell from her article if the gays are all in camps or just hiding in shadows but there appears to be no room in Ms. Folgers America for us.

Aside from the seek and destroy tactics she spells out for GLBT folks, Ms. Folger also demands an end to abortion, a place in the schools for creationism and the ability to remove any judge who rules in a way Ms. Folger deems illegal.  (She neglects to mention how out of balance that would make our judicial system.)  I am personally scared to death of the America Ms. Folger and those of her like are working toward as it seems to have no room for gays and lesbians, atheists, non-Christians and any judge with an unpopular view of the constitution. 

At the end of the day, I think Ms. Folger is making a call to arms.   She is asking Christians to fight in her “army” for god.     Sadly, those she paints as the enemy to battle against are not on some foreign soil but fellow Americans with different views than hers.   I hope, if she should happen to read this, she will begin to move toward a less violent metaphor.

I stumbled onto this video via G.A.Y and then on to the guys website. I will give you the full unbelievable details of this man’s so called “life coaching” after the clip.

The Workout is a Life Coaching service for men with unwanted same sex attractions. The tag line says that “It takes work to grow OUT of homosexuality.” The blog was started with one post in October 2006, but this video was just added to youtube, 2 days ago. On the first page of the site he claims in no certain terms to “change people from homosexuality to heterosexuality” and right there I am suspicious. Even the most vocal groups like Exodus International stay away from such claims. The most recent research, which little has really been done, shows that only small percentages of people see small percentages of change in their sexuality from Reparative therapies.

Did I mention he is charging $65.00 an hour for this life coaching service?

I am a bit shocked that any credible clinician is trying to connect sexual orientation to gender identity. Science has already broken the link between these two things. Our gender identity and sexual orientation are not linked. Why this man is trying life coach someone into masculinity thinking it will bring about a change in sexual orientation is baffling. Since I have already explained this myth of gender affirmation in clinical therapy, I am not going to go through all of it. (The long and short is that boys, who were accidentally castrated as children, were raised as girls wearing dresses, still grew up to be heterosexual men.)

There is also plenty of information on gender affirmation and intersex persons who were born with both male and female genitalia . Science has shown that the sexual orientation of an intersexed person may not coincide with the dominate gender of that individual. While someone may have the stronger appearance of female traits, their sexual orientation may have been toward females. The vice versa may also be true.

At first, I laughed when I saw this infomercial of a clip. I wondered if this guy was serious or if this was some prank. A trip over to Dave Pickup’s website (yes, his name appears to be Pickup) and I am still suspicious. Either this man is seriously dangerous to anyone who would hire him or this is in fact, just a prank. He claims that with “life coaching” he can better help people reach masculinity. It is almost as if he is saying he is man enough to make you straight. I am shocked by such claims. For starters, he claims to hold a masters degree in psychology and is working towards his PhD. That is not necessarily an indication of the validity of this new business.

Some of the claims and quotes from the website are scary and way behind the times as far as research and sexuality go.

Pickup writes on his site:
“If gay identity is natural within humanity, then we have an obligation to get rid of what would be a bigoted mindset and work to incorporate gay men and women into the fabric of our lives.”

The fact is that most scientists agree that sexual orientation is at least in some way biological, if not genetic. Most scientists believe it is a combination of biological factors and environmental factors. That would make it “natural” wouldn’t it?

A recent study of the DNA of 1000 gay brothers is already showing promise that homosexuality is in fact biological based.

Dr. Alan Sanders of Evanston Northwestern Healthcare Research Institute, the lead researcher of the new study, said he suspects there isn’t one so-called “gay gene.”

It is more likely there are several genes that interact with nongenetic factors, including psychological and social influences, to determine sexual orientation, said Sanders, a psychiatrist.

“Confusing the confused” would be my way to describe Dave Pickup’s website. He starts off with this pro-gay writing entitled “What the Christian world isn’t telling you” about how gay people should be treated with dignity and honor if homosexuality is inborn and natural. That article leads into another page on the site that addresses “What the Gay World Isn’t telling you” then goes into a therapy sales pitch saying that, “If gay male identity is not inborn, not natural, but is a compensation for the unmet inborn needs of manhood, then these men and the people who support gay ideals are headed down a dangerous path.” The bizarre part is this idea that each person gets to decide for themselves if they were born gay or not. Talk about abandoning science and reason for faith, that takes the cake.

He writes: So what is the truth then? Who decides? YOU DO…

The idea that a person gets to decide for themselves if they were born gay or not is misleading. Of course a person who doesn’t want to be gay is going to tell you that their homosexuality is not inborn. They want it to change and to believe it is inborn means it can’t change. The question of born or not born gay should be answered by Scientists with data and facts, not persons suffering from guilt, low self-esteem and sexual confusion. A “life coach” who would leave such life changing decisions up to someone in such compromising positions is not looking out for the best interest of his clients but instead looking to line his pockets with cash.

The most frightening thing I saw on this man’s website is his “survey” which for the sake of my readers and this article, I am going to take here on my site: (my answers are in blue)

1. Do you get a “buzz” inside you that makes you suspect your homosexual feelings weren’t an inborn trait? Answer: Nope and what do you mean by buzz?
   
2. Do feel a feeling of being “neutral” or “not man enough” or kind of “feminine” in your emotions or actions? Answer: Nope, all man here!
3. Do you feel an aching need for unconditional love, a desire to be truly “one of the guys,” or the need for physical affection? Answer: Your kidding right? I am concerned a “life coach” out to help you would ask this.
4. Do you believe God directs and creates the traits of masculinity, and that He intended you to experience your full manhood? Answer: Nope, I don’t believe in god at all. But this question made me laugh till I cried. Trust me, I have experienced all of my “manhood” We will leave it at that!
5. While growing up, did you experience being kidded incessantly or constantly put-down by other boys for being “weak”? Answer: YES! I was brutally picked on as a kid. I went through much therapy, but science has already shown that teasing and bullying are more likely a result of sexual orientation not the cause.
6. Are you afraid that other guys won’t think you are a real man? Answer: A real man? I don’t even know how to answer this question other than no Life coach or therapist should be working off the notion that it matters what “the other guy’s think of my manhood.
7. Did you pretty much always feel detached from your Dad or cut off from him through his emotional distance or his over-bearing nature? Answer: Nope, I have always been connected and attached to my dad. Please see pic and story here
8. Have you had homosexual experiences in your life and then felt there was still something missing? Answer: Yes, I did and I discovered what was missing, love. Then I found a great guy and we have been having a great relationship and nothing is missing for me. I am very happy. We celebrate eight years next month.
9. Have you been in the gay lifestyle but come to find that this lifestyle is ultimately unfulfilling, futile or feels dysfuntional? (sp?) Answer: Gay lifestyle? Exactly what does this mean? Oh you mean that crap Peter LaBarbera, Stacy Harp and Stephen Bennett try to sell you as every gay man’s lifestyle? Nope, that picture doesn’t look anything like my life or any gay person I have ever met. I am also leary of a man with a psych major who cannot spell the word, dysfunctional.
10. Are you easily discouraged? Answer: If you were to ask my friends if I am easily discouraged, they would laugh you out of the room.
11. Are you willing to take appropriate risks, and get rid of the roadblocks in order to change your feelings and actions? Answer: Since he is asking this about my sexuality, I have no answer. I don’t want to change my feelings or actions. I am very happy the way I am. I believe others can be happy and healthy being gay as well. My advice, treat yourself the way you want others to treat you and they will for bad or good.
12. Are you willing to take responsibility for yourself, for your faith, for your growth, and reach out for what you need no matter what it takes? Answer: This is getting to scare me. Does he really ask people this? It sounds like the tactics used by high pressure sales people to buy a car with no tires. I can almost picture him badgering people with this line and the contract to sign with him. Very drill Sargent like….scare em straight?
13. Are you ready to accept the rewards of being your own man and feeling your own masculinity? Answer: Are you kidding? This is silly. There are no rewards or punishments for being a man. If you teach people there are, you are misleading them into some serious misinformation (sexist at that.) Being a man is no more rewarding them being a women, which reminds me, why doesn’t this guy coach women?
14. Are you tired of being ashamed of your feelings (even if they are homosexual feelings), and want to be more at peace with exactly who you are at any given moment? Answer: Nope! I have no shame. I am not proud of me but I am not ashamed. I am just me and happy about that. I value other same sex attracted people being taught the same thing.
15. Are you at your wit’s end or do you feel nothing is working in terms of your sexuality? Answer: If you are asking people this you really should sell used cars.

This survey is just a sample of how anti-science, uninformed and scary this man’s thinking is. He is preying on people with a strong desire to “not be gay” and low self-esteem. I fear for anyone who would be coached by this man.

Ask Peterson Toscano about changing sexual orientation. Peterson spent tens of thousands of dollars with some of the top reparative therapist and still never changed even a little of his sexuality. How about Christine Bakke who also spent years trying to change her sexuality with no changes. Check in with Truth Wins Out or Beyond Ex-Gay to learn more about the dangers and harms of ex-gay therapy.

Previous posts on similar issues:

The Myth of Gender Affirmation
Breaking Myths: The Uninvolved Father Makes Children Gay

Kevin Kaatz, an occasional writer here at this blog and friend, has posted a phone call from anti-gay advocate, Stacy Harp to yours truly from about a year and a 1/2 ago. It was definitely before I learned about Nonviolent Communication (Marshal Rosenberg, PhD) and before I was trained as a mediator which has given me some stronger communication skills. The call is offensive and contains some strong and graphic language (most of it not from me and my normal truck driver mouth.) You can listen to the call at Kevin’s Space.

Stacy Harp is a charismatic anti-gay, anti-evolution and very conservative Christian who truly believes that being gay is sick and disgusting. While she claims in this post that she is not a former lesbian or ex-gay, in an email to me dated March 5, 2006 Stacy wrote, “… I understand the struggle with homosexuality personally because for years I had those intense feelings for women. However, as a Christian I knew it was wrong, and so I entered therapy and during my time in therapy I came to understand why I felt that way.” She continued on about the reason she believes she had those feelings listing some personal experiences that lead her to that path. I am confused about what is the truth from Stacy and if she is not a former lesbian, why did she claim she was? I would value some clarity about this.

I have been following Stacy Harp’s online antics for almost 2 years. I have tried my best to address each issue concerning her with the up most respect and hope I have done so successfully. I do have to admit her anti-gay rhetoric and her desire for attention through multiple websites, an online radio show called “The Right View” and now BLOGtv scare me. I value a world where people are safe and I fear for the safety of gays and lesbians in a world where radio, tv and the web have a constant barrage of negative and untrue messages picturing us as enemies that need to be defeated in a cultural war.

She is the president of a business venture called Active Christian Media which appears to mostly review books. With all of these platforms, Stacy has presented a constant barrage of negative and often inaccurate pictures of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. Her messages about gays and lesbians crosses the line from religious opposition to hate speech by the constant negativity and call to arms themes contained in the messages.

She has said several times, as with many anti-gay Christians, that she is being attacked for her beliefs in god. Many anti-gay Christians will make the claim, Stacy included, that they are being attacked or “vilified” for preaching the gospel. That is a false claim. No one is attacking them, no one is trying to silence their beliefs in god, but I and others like me are very concerned about the misinformation Stacy is spreading about GLBT folks. As you will see in her claims about homosexuality, few of her comments about homosexuality are a “Gospel” message. Most of her claims are science and bad science at that. (I am sure it won’t belong before this post is considered an attack, but I feel comfortable that I have tried to remain objective here and only present the facts and respectful commentary)

This is the same Stacy Harp who hosted the radio show where the guest claimed that the new trend for gays in Chicago was to have “sex with infants”. While Stacy did apologize for that radio show, she has continued to spread her anti-gay message beyond it. For the most part Stacy has been a bulletin board for other anti-gay groups by reposting on her site their anti-gay press releases and promoting their shows. She tends to lend her support to those fallen like Larry Craig, Sally Kern, Ted Haggert saying the gays are always wrong. I personal feel uneasy and concerned that anyone supports a message like Sally Kern’s, who claims gays are a bigger threat to America than Cancer or terrorism.

She often refers to gays and lesbians as “sodomites” and “militant homosexuals” but then claims she is being vilified should anyone call her out on how offensive those things are. It is my wish that Stacy just stick to other subjects or keep her opposition to homosexuality within the limits of the bible messages about homosexuality. Keep the false science, mean-spirited names and negative images out of the conversation for they do no one any good.

As for the phone call posted at Kevin’s site, I wanted to post a few random bullets about it:

1) I do in fact advocate teaching kids young about diversity, with the horrors I see on Tv, I would like kids to get along from the get go without stereotypes and false images of GLBT folks.

2) I did hear Stacy ask in the beginning that she was recording the call “for her protection”. I am not sure what she felt she needed protection from or what she was afraid of, but I did consent to the call. I know some think I was recorded without consent, that is simply not true.

2) I do wish I had not tried to defend myself or my beliefs. I should have just hung up or empathized with Stacy’s feelings of disgust and her need to be heard. You can hear me say in the beginning of the call “but that’s not true” and if I have learned anything from NVC, it is “never to throw your ‘but’ into the face of an angry person. I used the word “but” way too many times in this conversation. I am working on removing the phrase, “but I” from my vocabulary. I am also working on responding to difficult messages with empathy rather than a need to correct information. You can always correct it later, first just listen. I wonder how this call would have went if I had used the process of Nonviolent Communication as taught by Marshall Rosenberg.

3) It truly is no ones business what my partner and I do in bed, but there is so much more to a relationship then sex. If a relationship is based on sex, it isn’t going to last long and my partner and I will celebrate 8 years together next month. The fight for equality isn’t about sex, it is about safety, equality in health care, insurance, medical issues and adoption issues. These don’t happen in the bedroom, they happen in our courts, doctor’s offices, schools and hospitals. They happen on our streets where many a person both gay and straight has been slain or beaten for being perceived as gay.

4) I truly believe in the bottom of my heart that all people are basically well-meaning and have the best intentions. I feel confident that people try to do the right thing, the moral thing that meets their needs even if they cause harm in the process. What I do hope is that when people see harm or cause it, that they stop it.

5) I would have a deep appreciation that anyone who responds or writes about this phone call do so respectfully. There is no need to call Stacy names or be mean-spirited. I don’t want to be a person that calls others mean-spirited names. I can’t make others want to be that person, but if you can think of no other reason to be respectful, please do it to meet my need of nonviolence in the world. There is far too much spiritual, mental, and physical violence in the world. Calling people names will not win your argument.

I was disappointed that the producers of American Idol chose to end their “Idol Gives Back” television show with a Christian Hymn. While the song was beautiful and performed with such passion and grace, I felt uncomfortable with the message it sends about America. I guess I was also frustrated that people don’t make the connection between such extreme poverty and suffering and these beliefs in god. All the suffering of folks all over the world with HIV/AIDS, Malaria, and extreme poverty were just disturbing, but to end the night after all the photos, video and stories of that suffering with a song praising god seemed bizarre for me.

The hymn, “Shout out to the Lord” was a Christian song. It specifically praises Jesus as god. The lyrics are:

My Jesus, My Savior
Lord there is none like You
All of my days, I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love
My Comfort, My Shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You

What this says to people is that you have to be a Christian to win at Idol or at least be willing to pretend to be a Christian to win. What if a Muslim or a Jew was on Idol? Can we have an Idol who subscribes to other beliefs?

I was also incredibly moved by the overall of the show. For those of you who read this site often, you will know I am a bit sensitive. I can’t believe the poverty, injustice and hate in the world. I struggle with these issue and I have since I was very young. As a teen, my folk singing, born again Christian neighbor, Lois always told me I was born in the wrong era since I was a born “hippy” with my peace and love attitudes. At now, close to 40 years old, I continue to struggle with these social injustices more and more. To add to the mix of just how horrible I think these things are, there are actually people who believe there is a god who is all knowing, all powerful and who is allowing this suffering in the name of free will. To top that, not all of these people believe that god is the same. (head now spinning)

It sometimes becomes just mind numbing to me that so many people wrap themselves up a belief in the “lord” not realizing that an all knowing being would have known before your creation that you would suffer during your creation, but he still chose to create you. Such a being would be sick and cruel, not loving. Whether you call him Jesus, God, Yahweh, Allah, Ganesh or Fred makes no difference. To claim god knows it all, but created a being fulling knowing it is born to suffer is cruel and sick.

On a lighter note:  I was thrilled to see Carrie Underwood do this George Michael song, “Praying for Time.”

Folks like Stacy and Randall Harp, Representative Sally Kern, Peter LaBarbera, Matt Barber and Stephen Bennett don’t see the damage caused by the constant negative images and messages they transmit to the public about gays and lesbians.  I think it is hard for them to even believe what they are doing it hurting anyone or dangerous because they believe it is grounded in “God’s Work.”   I must admit, I struggle with how to get the message across to them that their message is hurting more people than it helps.   Many of these folks I have mentioned truly believe in their hearts that “warning” people of the horrors of the “gay agenda” and “gay” anything is compassionate and loving.  Whle the intentions may be in the right place, the end result is not.

What folks, like I have mentioned above, fail to see is the cost of their barrage of negative images is human life.  The constant message from these folks is dark and destructive.   Can you imagine hearing this message and applying to yourself?

Imagine if you woke up each day, knowing your were gay and hearing messages that said you were not natural, deviant, after the children, a threat to the nation, diseased, perverted, more of a threat than terrorism.  How would you feel?  How would you feel about yourself?

These negative messages have consequences.   

Meet Clive Richards, a man who was gay and so ashamed of being gay he lived in the shadows rather than be out.   Like many closeted gay men, he would engage in sexual behaviors in the shadows rather than come out and live in the open with a partner.   Clive was arrested for these behaviors.   In his fear of being outed as one of those nasty homosexuals of whom he had heard so many negative things, Clive chose to kill himself rather than be outed.

Clive was an involved citizen, teacher and sang in a local choral group.   He had friends, family and admirers who loved him.   His internal picture of gays and lesbians was so negative, he would rather be dead than have it be known he was gay.   On the day before his trial, Clive committed suicide.

Where do you think he got those negative images of being gay?

Why do you think he would be so afraid to be known as gay?

Now, if we could get anti-gay advocates to change the way they present their messages.    If we could get them trained in Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg, PhD) or some other method of communication, would this whole debate be different?  Could we save some lives?

I wasn’t going to address this article written by the husband of anti-gay Christian writer, Stacy Harp. I thought it mostly contains the same ole same old claims that have been refuted a dozen times over. He starts off with the explanation of the Sally Kern issue and tries his best to spin the logic. I don’t think he managed to make his case but that is because his case can’t be made. Sally Kern advocates violence whether intended or not and no matter how you spin it.

The major premise that Mr. Harp is trying to make is that the Gay Agenda is somehow separate from gays and lesbians as a class of people. Randall claims that the gay agenda isn’t the people as a class, but the strategy they are using to gain acceptance of their lives. He uses the gun lobby as an example. I call this idea short sighted and blind.

Randall writes:

In reality, “the homosexual agenda” does not mean gays and lesbians everywhere anymore than “the gun lobby” is synonymous with everyone who owns a firear