I am proud to be part of the blog bonanza to launch the Foundation Beyond Belief...what a great post for my first official blog post of 2010!!! Once again, Dale McGowan has found a need in the humanist community and has taken it upon himself to fill it. He did a great job when he edited Parenting Beyond Belief and Raising Freethinkers and I am positive that Foundation Beyond Belief will find the same success.

What is Foundation Beyond Belief you ask? It is a non-profit charitable and educational foundation created (1) to focus, encourage and demonstrate the generosity and compassion of atheists and humanists, and (2) to provide a comprehensive education and support program for nontheistic parents. Each quarter, the foundation will feature 10 charitable organizations. Members of the foundation can sign up for an automatic monthly contribution and choose how they want it distributed. On the education side, the foundation will help create and fund local groups for the education and social support of humanist/atheist parents...AWESOME!!!

The overall mission of the Foundation Beyond Belief is: To demonstrate humanism at its best by supporting efforts to improve this world and this life; to challenge humanists to embody the highest principles of humanism, including mutual care and responsibility; and to help and encourage humanist parents to raise confident children with open minds and compassionate hearts.

Sounds great to me!! I think this has success written all over it. Check out this introductory video:



I will be using this as another learning opportunity for my children. Each quarter we will make our choices on the distribution of our donations as a family. Check it out today!!

The events that caused us to consider having a Solstice celebration occurred during the last week of school for our kids. Once we decided that we would celebrate, we had to put something together quickly. First, I want to say that we will still celebrate Christmas. I've written about this in the past, but will provide you with a quick summary. My husband's and my family celebrate Christmas. For us, it is a holiday about friends and family. I truly enjoy looking for the perfect gift for each person and get excited when I get to give people their gifts. It's the time of year when the days are shorter, but we can pass time by baking cookies with our families or drinking hot cocoa while looking at Christmas lights. These are the things that I have always enjoyed about Christmas. In fact, the way I celebrate Christmas with my kids is very similar to the way my family celebrated when I was little. The only small difference is that we don't go to church or have a birthday cake for baby Jesus....I always thought that was a little silly anyway. If you really think about it, Christmas has been a secular holiday for a LONG time. Even a Christmas tree isn't Christian...it's forbidden in the Bible (Jeremiah 10: 2-8).

When we were planning our solstice celebration, I knew I wanted it to stand apart from Christmas. Just as I started planning, I discovered Human Light, a holiday celebrating "Humanists vision of a good future." The more I read and learned about it, the more I felt like it was the perfect fit for our family celebration. (Happy Human Light by the way....December 23rd is the official day to celebrate). My husband is working today, so we had our celebration on December 21st, but incorporated ideas from Human Light into our festivities.

It all began the afternoon of December 21st. The four of us jumped into the car and headed to downtown Spokane. Our first stop was "Santa Express". Kids can shop with volunteer elves and pick out gifts ranging from $0.50-$7.50 and the proceeds benefit Vanessa Behan Crisis Nursery. This was chosen for two reasons. First, it benefits a charity that we support. Second, it helped our kids get excited about giving to other people. Both of our kids were thrilled with what they were able to buy and wanted to open gifts that day...but we're going to wait for Christmas. We wanted the day to be about spending time together as a family and thinking of ways to give to others.

After we left Santa Express, we walked around downtown enjoying the decorations as well as each other’s company. We discussed and all agreed that our favorite Mexican restaurant would be our next stop. After dinner, we went home and had a little ceremony of sorts. I had some special candles on the counter and each of our kids was allowed to light one...for a 9 & 7 year old this was a very grown up thing to do. Upon lighting the candles, we read from Affirmations: Joyful And Creative Exuberance by Paul Kurtz. Here's a small sample of what we read:

"Humanists are committed to the application of reason and science to the understanding of the universe and to the solving of human problems."

"Express and affirmative attitude towards other and ourselves."

"Have the courage of your convictions, do not be afraid to express them."

After each statement, we discussed what it meant and whether we believed it to be true. In our house, our kids are free to disagree with us and we with them. If we disagreed about something, we talked about it and tried to understand each other’s point of view. Each year, we will choose a different reading to discuss. For my readers who are theists, in no way do I feel this book, or any book, should be followed explicitly without question. In fact, one of the values I treasure is critical thinking...Question Everything! The point here was to help our kids understand what my husband and I do believe and the reasons we believe those things.

Following our discussion, we each chose a charity or cause we wanted to support in addition to the regular charities we support. Our choices this year were:

Second Harvest Food Bank
Boston Terrier Rescue of Western Washington
Washington Trails Association
Foundation Beyond Belief

(If our kids didn't know the specific name of a charity, we asked them what causes they wanted to help. Then, we searched for charities that support that cause. Charity Navigator is a great resource when looking for responsible charities.)

Then, it was time to decorate the solstice tree! I had wanted to get a living tree that we could decorate each year, but I have never had luck with indoor trees. So, we decided to get a small artificial tree that will be our solstice tree every year. This tree was to be decorated differently than our Christmas tree, though. I placed a piece of cardstock in front of each family member along with crayons, glue and glitter. We were going to make our own ornaments representing what we believe! I think we came up with some pretty creative ideas.

A drawing of earth with the words "Stop Global Warming" written on it.
A drawing of a worm that represented composting.
A drawing of a battery with the words "Conserve Energy" written on it.
A drawing of a peace symbol.
A drawing of a light bulb with "New Ideas" written on it.
A drawing of a question mark with the words "Question Everything" on it.
A drawing of an acorn with "Think for yourself" written on it.

I could go on, but I won't. I was so proud of the creative ideas we all came up with and our kids were delighted with their ornaments. After the season is over, I plan on saving our ornaments and making a scrapbook page with them. Each year, we'll look at our past ornaments after we finish decorating our solstice tree. It will be fun to see how they change from year to year.

Now that the ornaments were completed, it was time to place them on the tree. Once each ornament found its special spot, we turned on the lights and sang, "Here Comes the Sun" by the Beatles. Our kids LOVED this...my son started playing air guitar and my daughter had an imaginary microphone :) They insisted that we take picture of them singing in front of the solstice tree.

The closing of our afternoon of festivities consisted of watching the newest episode of Mythbusters together while drinking hot cocoa. As we were tucking our kids into bed that night, both of them expressed their enjoyment with our celebration. They can't wait for next year’s solstice celebration!

Here is a great handout about why one should approve Referendum 71. It was downloaded from Approve71.org. The only arguments I've heard against Referendum 71 have been irrational and biased. I've challenged people to come up with rational arguments, but they can't because there aren't any.

Vote Approve on Referendum 71
PROTECT ALL FAMILIES


There are over 12,000 people in Washington state registered in domestic partnerships. These families live in every county, in all parts of the state. The domestic partnership law ensures that all of these families have the same protections and responsibilities as their neighbors, regardless of where they live.

Gay and lesbian families need domestic partnership laws to provide essential protections for their
families. Committed couples who want to take care of each other should be allowed to visit each other in the hospital, take family and medical leave when a loved one is seriously ill, and have insurance coverage. By voting to Approve Referendum 71, you will vote to ensure that all families are provided the same protections under the law.
Families with children need the protections provided by domestic partnership laws, especially when a parent dies. By voting to Approve Referendum 71, you will vote to ensure that all children are provided the same protections under the law.

Seniors need the protections provided by domestic partnership laws. For seniors, domestic partnerships mean that their hard-earned social security, military or pension benefits are not put at risk. By voting to Approve Referendum 71, you will vote to ensure that all seniors are provided the same protections under the law.

Police officers and firefighters who risk their lives to protect our communities need domestic partnership laws if they are hurt or killed in the line of duty, so that their families are taken care of by their pension or workers’ compensation. By voting to Approve Referendum 71, you will vote to ensure that all of our communities' first responders’ families are provided the same protections under the law.

By voting to Approve Referendum 71, you will vote to ensure that all families should be treated fairly, especially in times of crisis.

PROTECT ALL FAMILIES EQUALLY UNDER THE LAW
Vote Approve on Referendum 71

It seems to have become a trend for me to start out my blogposts with something along the lines of, "It's been a long time..." So, I'm going to try to refrain from saying that anymore and just hope everyone realizes that I just get to this blog when I can.

I recently had a conversation with a conservative Christian about Referendum 71 on facebook. For those of you who do not live in Washington, Referendum 71 extends the rights of people who are in domestic partnerships. People in domestic partnerships are not necessarily gay, but the conservatives have decided that this is a gay marriage issue are strongly opposed to it. I don't know why the ignorance and hatred that emanates from peoples' comments surprises me, but it still does. My facebook friend (FBF) has made it clear that he is not interested in having a rational conversation because he refuses to speak about the points I've made. Instead, he makes false accusations and ignorant remarks repeating the same statements over and over even after I've pointed out how wrong these statements are.

I have decided to post our facebook conversation here in hopes that people who are not as close minded as FBF can possibly see how irrational religious arguments are against gay rights. Warning: I did not correct spelling errors....everything is copied exactly as it was written. I only replaced names to protect privacy.

Here's the post I put on my wall:

I encourage all my Washington friends to Approve Ref 71.....there is absolutely no rational reason not to. If you think you have one, try me. Watch this video and explain to me why it is right for a person to bring their stepson to the hospital an...d be denied treatment until the biological mom can get there. It is wrong and I think everyone knows it. Nobody has the right to deny other people their rights.

FBF: I don't know the details of Referendum 71 but I do not vote for anything gay. Sorry just my personal beliefs.

Me: So, you're admitting you are prejudiced against gay people? How about replacing gay with black and see how that sounds. It is absolutely irrational to deny people rights because you don't like the way they are. And sorry, you don't get off the hook by saying that's just what I believe. People used to believe slavery was right, but that doesn't make it right. You do not have the right to infringe on other peoples' rights. If you don't like the lifestyle, don't live it.

FBF: You can get angry and call me a racist if you want and if believing that homosexuality is morally wrong and a psychological disorder is wrong than God will judge me. That is my opinion and I am not racist. As a matter of fact when YOU think of racism why do you automatically think "black". Take the plank out of your own eye before you try to remove a spec from mine. We are all entitled to our opinions and MY right to disapprove of homosexuallity is just that, myt right. God bless you *Humanist Mama* for your kind heart.

Me: I did not call you a racist...I was trying to point out your prejudice against gay people by showing you how terrible it would sound if you said, "I do not vote for anything black." All I did was replace one word. I am not claiming that you would say that. And by the way, I chose black because black people are a minority like gay people. I could easily have said Jew, Asian, Muslim, etc to make the same point. So, not that does not make me racist to point out your prejudice.

By the way, homosexuality is not a psychological disorder....there is plenty of evidence that it is natural. You saying it does not make it so, and if you choose to believe irrational things without evidence that is your issue. But, I also have the right to point out to you that you are being prejudiced and archaic with your beliefs.

FBF: Sorry *Humanist Mama*, I beg to differ about homosexuality not being a psychological disorder. Fact of the matter is that there is no concrete proof either way in this matter. I am a psychology student and have actually done research into the matter so when I say my opinion is that homosexuality is a psychological disorder there is no prejudice there. That is my personal opinion and as far as that goes being of a certain race or creed cannot be helped. "I" believe that homosexuality can. I do not believe that one is born as a homosexual. I believe that it is learned behavior.This is not prejudice this is just refusing to buy into what someone says just because they say it is so. They call that critical thinking. I do not treat anyone cruelly. I do not "bash" homosexuals just for being what they are. I actually have compasion for them because I believe that they are lost. I believe in Jesus Christ and I also believe that every word in the Bible is true and fact. Because of that belief I have to take my stand that homosexuality is nothing more than an immoral person. God demolished the city of sodom (sodomy) for being evil and imoral people. As you know I personally am NO angel but I have seen the error in my ways, have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior, have asked for forgivness, and now live my life as best I can to follow God's will for me. I do apreciate your tender heart in this matter and I actually do have empathy for those people; however, I will not vote for anything giving rights to sick and immoral people. It is the same thing as saying there is nothing wrong with a child molestor.

After all this we may have to agree to disagree. My intentions were not to make you angry, I was just sharing my opinion and perspective.

Me: *FBF*, I guess you differ with the consensus of professionals in the world who know that homosexuality is not a psychological disorder. Link to American Psychological Association

And critical thinking involves looking at all evidence and not being biased when doing research. I am quite surprised that a professor would take your research seriously because all of my professors had strict requirements for my sources when I was studying for my Bachelor's degree in Psychology 10 years ago and my recent degree in Nursing. Sources had to be current (no sources greater than 5 years), they had to be from peer reviewed articles, and they had to be unbiased. When one cherry picks invalid and outdated studies one can come up with the same conclusion you have to justify your "personal opinion". You may not have done this intentionally. Some people want to believe something so bad that they refuse to look at the evidence that contradicts their beliefs or they twist it to mean something it does not.

You may not think you are cruel to homosexuals but many of the comments you have made on this thread today have been extremely cruel and hateful. And I think it is justifiable and proper for me to be anger about your outright prejudice and denial of it. In the real world hate does not equal love and by saying that you do not think homosexuals should have rights you are being very hateful. So, no matter how much you want to believe you are showing them the "love" of Jesus Christ you are actually showing them quite the opposite. There are many Christians who realize that homosexuality is not a choice.

You summed up your paragraph by saying that homosexuality is equivalent to child molestation. I will tell you the difference *FBF*.....homosexuality is not harmful to anyone while child molestation is. Nobody has the right to infringe on another person's rights. It's as simple as that.

I also take great issue with one of your last statements, "I will not vote for anything giving rights to sick and immoral people." I'm assuming that by "sick" you're referring to this imaginary psychological disorder since that was the purpose of your more recent paragraph. If so, I have to assume you believe all people with psychological disorders should not be given rights. Our world has been there and done that too and we've come out of the dark ages to realize the error of our ways. Do you also believe that all people with psychological disorders have chosen to have these disorders?

I think as you continue your education you will find that this is not the case and I can guarantee you that you will never be taught in a reputable psychology class that homosexuality is a "disorder".

As far as you saying immoral people should not be given rights....what makes homosexuals immoral in your eyes.....your religion? The word immoral is generally reserved for people who actually hurt other people. They have done nothing to hurt other people yet you call them immoral simply for being who they are? In many countries you are "immoral" because you are a Christian.....should you have rights? A few years ago it was "immoral" for people of different races to marry each other, and god forbid if they had children! And, the Bible was often used to justify this prejudice too. Hmmmmmm....kind of makes you wonder.... are people who eat shrimp immoral too?

FBF: I never said anything about hating homosexuals. Congratulations on your Bachelors degree, however that does not make you right. Reputable psychology classes. Yap, yap, yap. All you have done is state opinion and none of it is truth or fact. All I'm saying is that I believe that homosexuality is wrong. As an American I have that right. I don't hate anyone. So as for saying that I am not showing the love of Jesus is plain ignorant on your part. If you want to think that I am prejudice let me help you and I will tell you you are damn right I am. Homosexuals are sick people and I don't think they should have the right to polute society with their illness. At the same time I absolutely am against mistreating anyone. I think they need help. Someone much wiser than myself called homosexuals an abomination...oh yeah that was GOD. I am agreeing with Him so if you still want to say I am wrong go ahead that is your right and I definately don't want to take that away. But through your anger you are showing your bias in this situation. Once again before you start attacking me consider yourself. Your degrees do not automatically make you right.I know some homosexual people and I do not treat them any different than anyone else. Bottom line is that you do not know me and accusing me of hate is unfounded. I have more compasion than you could ever know. Let me say again that there is no evidence either way that homosexuality is or is not a mental disorder and I side on the is side. That is my opinion and only that. My vote will be against Ref 71 as a simple power of attorney will allow DP the same rights they are whining about not having.

FBF 3rd grade teacher: Well said *FBF*!

Me: It's clear that you don't want to respond to any of the actual points I made so I guess our conversation is at an end. I'll close with a quote from the American Psychological Association:

"Is homosexuality a mental disorder?

No, lesbian, gay, and bisexual orientations are not disorders. Research has found no inherent association between any of these sexual orientations and psychopathology. Both heterosexual behavior and homosexual behavior are normal aspects of human sexuality. Both have been documented in many different cultures and historical eras. Despite the persistence of stereotypes that portray lesbian, gay, and bisexual people as disturbed, several decades of research and clinical experience have led all mainstream medical and mental health organizations in this country to conclude that these orientations represent normal forms of human experience. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual relationships are normal forms of human bonding. Therefore, these mainstream organizations long ago abandoned classifications of homosexuality as a mental disorder."

If you do not care to respond with actual information as I have, then don't bother. Maybe someone without a closed mind will learn from this exchange.



It is so sad that some religious people can't see past the noses on their face or have reasonable conversations. On a related note, as my kids and I were driving to my mom's house last night, we saw some people standing on the corner with signs reading "Reject 71." Alongside their parents were two small girls holding signs. So sad. Of course I support the free speech rights of the adults who wish Referendum 71 to be rejected. I am disgusted that they would use their children in this way.

It brought up a conversation in the car because my kids wanted me to "Honk for support". I explained that the people were wanting us to support something that was wrong and I will not honk. I explained what Referendum 71 is and that it is wrong to take away people's rights simply because they are different than us. It's just like people telling black people they couldn't drink from the same drinking fountain. It is wrong and I will always stand up and point out people's prejudices until they are few and far between. My son and daughter both responded with the same question: "Well how would those people feel if somebody told them they couldn't love the person they love? I bet they'd be really sad and then they would understand."

I am *so* excited!! Studying for my licensing exam, job applications, job interviews and unfortunately a death in the family have kept me from my regular internet activities. And to my surprise, I discovered that a book I've been eagerly waiting for is being released early! YEAH!

As soon as this came to my attention, I went straight to Amazon to place my order. The book is Raising Freethinkers: A Practical Guide for Parenting Beyond Belief. If this book is half as good as the first book, Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion, I will LOVE it.

These books address the issues where atheists may differ from theists in the subject of raising children. Some of these subjects include: death and dying, values, holidays, living with religion, meaning and purpose, wondering and questioning, etc. It is very difficult to do things differently from one's parents. I was raised by fundamentalist Christian parents who thought that James Dobson wrote the best parenting books. I felt like I was starting from scratch and had to question every reaction I had when I became a parent...I often still do. Is this reaction reasonable? Why do I feel that their actions were wrong? Is that a good reason? I couldn't rely on the answers I was given when I was a child. No...thunder and lightning is not happening because god is bowling. I had to figure out a way to explain these things in kids terms so that I was giving a real answer. If I don't know an answer, which happens a lot, we look it up together. Reading how others have dealt with similar situations has been very helpful to me. I have referred to my PBB book many times and I'm sure I'll do the same with Raising Freethinkers.

I should also add that the feeling that I was starting from scratch was not only because of my change in views on religion. My sister and I had our first children 1 month apart. She is a Christian and she also has her Master's degree in Social Work. We both do things very differently from our parents and have relied on one another for advice and ideas. I think this has a lot to do with the fact that we both have degrees in Psychology and have learned better behavior modification techniques than what our parents used. For example, neither of us spank our children because we know that the science just doesn't back it up as an effective form of discipline. This change was challenging for both of us, but we've helped each other find research on different methods of discipline and other parenting issues. My non-belief compounded my feeling of starting over and it's nice to have these books available....kind of like having another sister to talk to ;)

While I was at Amazon, I also ordered 50 Reasons People Give for Believing in a God. I've heard the author, Guy Harrison, interviewed on many of my favorite podcasts and have been anxious to read it. The other book I ordered is Godless: How an Evangelical Preacher Became one of America's Leading Atheists. Now that I'm finished with school, I should have more time to read the books I want to read. I'll call these my early Darwin Day presents ;)

Today is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere. It is the reason for this celebration season. Most cultures have held a celebration at this time to acknowledge rebirth and many of our current symbols have been adopted from ancient cultures. I find it fascinating to learn about how different cultures have celebrated this season and hope to pass that curiosity on to my kids.

Beginning after Thanksgiving, my son's class learned about different cultural celebrations around the world. Each child made a passport and they pretended to travel to other countries. Not only did they learn about the holidays that these cultures celebrate, they also made the country's flag as an art project and wrote a recount about what they had learned as a writing project. I have been really impressed with my son's teacher this year.

As I've looked through his projects, I've been excited to see that he is learning about cultures other than his own. Since my kids were tiny, we've read them stories about Hanukkah, Ramadan & Eid ul Fatr, Kwanzaa, and ancient solstice celebrations. We wanted them to see that all people have different beliefs and different ways of celebrating. There is no such thing as the "right" way to celebrate or the "wrong" way to celebrate. We need to appreciate each other's differences.

Some of our friends and relatives were offended by this. They were appalled that we were teaching our kids to be tolerant of other cultures. Not only that, we weren't teaching our children that our way is the right way and those other people are wrong. This makes me wonder how other parents might react to their children bringing home projects about other cultures. Does the teaching of other views threaten them? Or are most of them as thrilled as I am that our kids are learning things in elementary school that we didn't learn until we were adults?

We celebrate Christmas every year simply because that is what our families celebrate. For me, that is what the holiday is about...family, friends, caring for others, helping people out. In a time that could be depressing because of the hours of darkness, these are the things that help us overlook the darkness. We look beyond our differences and come together to celebrate.

I am lucky to have a very tolerant family. My mom & sister are quite religious and were surprised when I first told them that I was an atheist. However, that has not changed the way that they treat me. We are able to look past the differences we have and find common ground. Actually, it's amazing how many things we do have in common and it's quite easy to overlook our religious differences. They are respectful of us and the way we raise our children and we are respectful of them. We all realize that disagreements do not equal attacks or disrespect.

I guess that is why I find it sad that many people see the holiday as a time to fight over who is right or wrong. There is no such thing as a "War on Christmas" in the real world...it's all in peoples' heads. Each person may celebrate how he/she wishes. When someone celebrates differently than someone else, that does not mean they are attacking that person. If I like white bread and you like wheat, am I attacking you when I eat white bread? How ridiculous!

My hope is that one day people will realize that our differences make the world more interesting. Just because I am not like you, does not mean that everything I do is an attack on you. Celebrate the differences....don't be afraid of them.

My son was born during finals week of my last semester of college. My husband's parents, my mom, and my grandma all traveled across the mountains to Missoula to greet my son when he was born. It was an exciting, unforgettable day. We moved back to Spokane two weeks later and I settled in as a stay at home mom. Eighteen months later, my daughter was born and we had another celebration at the hospital with all of the family. Even my son came in the middle of the night with Grandma to meet his new sister.

As a mom, I've experienced every emotion: love, fear, happiness, sadness, worry, pride...the list goes on. It's an indescribable feeling to realize that your baby is totally dependent on you. I was confident I could take care of my kids' physical needs. As they've gotten older if I have questions about parenting, I'll do some research and look for the best methods for my kids. If something doesn't work, I'll look for something that might. I just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing for my kids....I did not want to screw them up:) It didn't take long to realize that nobody is a perfect parent. However, I promised myself I would do my best.

I know that many people turn to religion when they have children. But, I honestly don't know exactly why this is. Perhaps people who went to church when they were little feel that church is a requirement in childhood. Or maybe some people correlate church with a moral upbringing. I don't know what the feeling is because I never experienced it. In fact, I had quite the opposite experience.

My instinct was to shelter my children from church. Not because I had terrible church experiences when I was little, I didn't. I have fond memories of going to church on Sundays and seeing my friends. Rather, I wanted to shelter them from the ideas that church puts in young minds. Our belief system is right.....everybody else's belief system is wrong......you are a sinner.....if you are not saved by Jesus, god will torture you forever in hell. I wanted my kids to grow up to be tolerant of everyone....and church tends to do the opposite. As one Christian told me, "tolerance is bad".

By this time in my life, I didn't accept a literal translation of the Bible. I had learned enough to realize that many of the stories just didn't make sense logically or scientifically. I thought that maybe everybody in the world was worshipping the same god....we just didn't know it :) That allowed me to account for the different belief systems in the world, and in my mind it exonerated everyone from hell....except for the really bad people of course. This didn't quite add up though. If we all worshipped the same god, why were so many wars fought over religion? Why was everyone so hateful towards people who believed something different? Not to mention the many discrepancies one finds between different religions....if we all worshipped the same god, I think there'd be more similarities than differences.

Then, when my son was 9 months old to the day, we woke up to a phone call from my in-laws. They told us to turn on our TV. The United States was being attacked. I remember feeling numb that day. We had a doctor's appointment for my son and the lobby was silent. Everyone was focused on the TV. It turned out that some commercial planes had been hi-jacked and flown into the World Trade Center. The pilots were Muslims and thought that they were doing what god wanted them to do....they believed they would be rewarded in heaven.

Until that point, I don't think I realized how strongly people believe in other religions. These men truly believed that Allah wanted them to do this terrible thing. Their belief was so strong, that they died because of it. I recalled being told some time ago that this was one of the evidences for Christianity....the early martyrs would not have died for a false belief. Well, if that were true, did that make Islam true? They couldn't both be true because they had teachings that contradicted one another.

OK, well it was time to delve back into the research I had started in high school. After reading Josh McDowell's book, I had not dug deeper even though I had not been satisfied. I think I had been a little scared of what I would find when I was in high school. I just needed to decide where to start. I had two young kids and my time for reading adult literature was extremely limited....almost non-existent. Well, in every other situation, I would examine both sides of a story and see which side made sense and had evidence to back up the claims. If I had not been exposed to new religions, cultures and ideas, I may not have thought to do the research. But, I knew that there were many religions in the world and one's beliefs tend to be highly correlated with their location of birth.

Since I had been raised as a Christian, I knew what the basic beliefs of Christianity are. (I say basic beliefs because there are many different denominations and each has its differences.) So, I decided to look into why people did not believe in the Christian god. Luckily, we live in the age of the internet where information can be found at our fingertips. I quickly found The Secular Web and its library along with many other sites....some good, some not so good.

My first shock came when I found out that some people were not certain whether Jesus even existed! As my heart raced, I thought to myself that this was totally ridiculous, but then I looked at their arguments. The Jesus I had read about in the gospels had many followers...wouldn't there be some other record besides the gospels to account for his existence? Then the shocks kept coming....The gospels authors are not known? The gospels were written decades after Jesus' death....how could they be eyewitness accounts? Wait a second....there were other gods with stories similar to Jesus? There were other "miracle workers" in Jesus time? The more I learned, the more I was blown away. Nobody had told me this in Sunday school!

I read the arguments from the side of the non-believers and I understood why they didn't believe. So, then I needed to look at what Christians answers to these questions were. There had to be some good explanations, maybe some of the claims of these non-believers were not accurate. Surely, the Christian answer would include some good evidence. However, none of the rebuttals I found did that. OK, this was getting scary. My curiosity was overtaking me and I wanted to learn more....but the more I learned, the more my beliefs in god were fading away. Things that I had thought were proven truths....were nothing but stories.

I finally came to the conclusion that the best I could say was, "I don't know if any of it is true". This terrified me...I like to be in control and know exactly what is right and true. But, the evidence just wasn't there. Oh. My. God.(figuratively speaking :))!!!! What was I going to do? It seemed like everyone had a religion. I needed to find a religion to hold on to. I couldn't follow Islam or Mormonism because their stories seemed silly. Wait a second, every religion I looked at seemed silly. Of course, some seemed sillier than others, but I didn't find any that offered me anything that I couldn't have without religion.

Pause....do I needreligion? What would I be if I didn't have a religion? What box would I mark on the surveys when they ask for your religion? I had been marking the Christian box all my life....even when I stopped going to church and didn't believe in the literal Bible. My identity was falling apart....could I be an atheist? NO...I couldn't be!

I searched the term atheism for the first time. As I typed it, it felt like I was doing something wrong. Atheism had been ingrained in my brain as a bad word....those were bad people. Well, the only way to find out was to see what atheists had to say. And it turned out that the atheists I found, felt the same way I did about religion! They just didn't believe that any of the religions were true. They weren't Satan worshippers, they weren't claiming that there was absolutely no god....they just didn't believe in any of the gods that other people believe in. And it hit me.....I was an atheist! I couldn't put my finger on an exact moment when it had happened, but it had happened.

I was free!! Free from a stifling belief in a god who watches everything you do and listens to every thought in your head. I no longer needed to wonder what god's reason was for allowing things to happen in my life....it was just life. And life was so much more precious because it was the only one I'd have. Wow....what a feeling!


***Disclaimer****

Given that this is written in story form, it may seem that events occurred more closely together than they actually did. However, my searching did not take days or even months. This was a very long process because I wanted to look at all angles. I was searching for truth and that is not something that I take lightly. I continue to educate myself about these things today and read articles and books about all different religions. My mind has not been closed....it was opened when I began to consider that my religion may not be true.

Our church search eventually led to no church. I just wanted to worship god my own way and not have to deal with the politics of the church. I did my daily devotionals, read books by Christian authors, listened to Christian music and enjoyed nature.

Now, before I continue, I must say that none of these events occurred in any certain order. Everything was happening in the same time frame when I was in my sophomore and junior years at high school. So, in random order, these are some other things that were going on in my life.

I was curious about yoga and meditation. I was warned that these things were satanic, but my curiosity overcame my fear. I went to the public library and started reading some books about yoga. (The library was my FAVORITE place when I was a kid).

I wanted to be an effective witness to other people. So, I read Josh McDowell's Evidence that Demands a Verdict. I struggled with it because much of it just wasn't logical. I felt that he wanted me to believe something simply because he said it or provided a quote from someone else. There wasn't much evidence presented. That just wasn't good enough for me....I wanted the evidence. So, if Josh wasn't going to present it, I guess I'd have to look for it myself.

I read a book about Mormonism. My heart raced every time I took it out. I'd look around to make sure my mom and sisters didn't notice what I was reading. Why? Because everyone knew that Mormonism was a cult...it might be dangerous to read about it. But, I found it intriguing. We had a church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints right next to my high school and I had many friends who would leave during the day to go and take a class at the church. Hey, they couldn't be all that bad. I mean, they believed in Jesus too.

In my senior year of high school, I didn't really think about religion much. I was having fun with my friends and had just started dating my boyfriend (now my husband :)). I graduated as one of the valedictorians of my high school and something I overheard one of my religious uncles say at my graduation party will never be forgotten: "She's a valedictorian, but it's at a public school. She couldn't have done it at local Christian school." This hateful statement hit me like a brick. It was one of my first glimpses of Christian hate and it opened my eyes to many other hateful things done in the name of Christianity. I had been naive enough to believe that all people who go to church are good, loving people. This was a rude awakening.

I had given up on the idea of Bible college sometime after our visit to the school in Montana. It just wasn't for me. I had big dreams...I wanted to help people who had family members with mental illnesses. I had been lucky to have support from friends, teachers, school counselors and my mom's family. But, I knew that many people didn't have that support. A Bible school that was not accredited wouldn't help me attain those goals. So, I had applied at a local university and was accepted into their Honor's program.

The Honor's program laid out my first year of college. The advanced courses I took focused my studies on philosophy and the modern sciences. I was also allowed to be part of a research group in my selected area of psychology. I went on to take more science and philosophy courses...I loved them. My high school education had not exposed me to the works that I was reading by Plato, Epictetus, Kant, Euripides, Aristotle and Darwin....just to name a few.

At this point, I may have still called myself a Christian...but I was a very liberal Christian. My husband and I got married after my second year of college. We did not want to get married in a church, so we found a beautiful place for an outdoor wedding. We didn't want to be married by a pastor, but didn't know any other options. So, we found one of the most liberal pastors we could find :) I remember catching my breath when he said shit one time :) I distinctly remember my wedding day as being the first time I kept my eyes open during prayer. I know that sounds silly, but when you're raised from birth as a Christian...you just don't do that. It was very liberating :)

Another random memory I have from this time period is about Noah's ark. Someone told me very excitedly that "they" had found Noah's ark. (I don't recall which "they" this was...it was sometime in the late 1990's). When I was younger, I probably would have been really excited. But, it was at that moment that I realized...I didn't believe the story. I had been raised to believe that everything in the Bible was literally true....but come on, it just didn't add up. So, I just smiled, but knew that nothing would come of it.

My husband had been accepted into pharmacy school, so we moved to Montana after we were married. I ended up taking classes in Buddhism, Anthropology, Literature, Biology, Art and various other subjects. My anthropology class focused on belief systems around the world. I had never dreamed that there could be so many! My sheltered life was being blown away by my education. I helped out at the Sunday school of a UU church once in awhile while we lived in Montana and found it to be very interesting. I was being exposed more and more to different points of view and my curiosity just kept growing.

Then....I got pregnant.

I know this is a little late, but I just found out about this protest today. On Saturday, November 15, every state has a location for protesting the recent passage of Proposition 8 in California. Here's an excerpt from the mission statement of JoinTheImpact.com:

"Our movement seeks to encourage the LGBTQ community not to look towards the past and place blame, but instead to look forward toward what needs to be done now to achieve one goal: Full equality for ALL. We stand for reaching out across all communities. We do not stand for bigotry, for scapegoating, or using anger as our driving force. Our mission is to encourage our community to engage our opposition in a conversation about full equality and to do this with respect, dignity, and an attitude of outreach and education."

Click on the link above for a listing of all the scheduled protests. I'm not going to be able to make it to the one in Spokane because I don't have a babysitter....but I fully support it and hope there is a good turnout! If you are free tomorrow, consider joining a protest near you and help get the word out.