Author Archive for Bing Page 3 of 15



What a wonderful world it would be…

I apologize in advance for my lack of recent posts. I know that when I don't get a fix of my usual reads, I start axe-murdering entire families and puppies. Of course, I'm obsessive compulsive and have an excuse. It's not as if I have had too many other obligations this week, really. I mean, I had a baby's birthday party today. The little nipper is got all Jackson Pollock on me with a nacho

A Reply to Sean McDowell’s Review of The God Delusion

First off, I want to congratulate you on reading a big book o' atheism and then reviewing it (it's at Worldview Weekend). Here's the problem. You say, in a jazzy font, apparently: Dawkins says, �A designer God cannot be used to explain organized complexity because any God capable of designing anything would have to be complex enough to demand the same kind of explanation in its own right� (136)

PZ Meyer’s Great Desecration…

The deed is done. He has an eloquent defense of a stunningly anti-climactic desecration. I encourage my readers to read it, that is, if you haven't already. HJ

Another threatened lawsuit!

The following anonymous reply arrived this morning at a post that I wrote in February of last year. My original post was a reply to a report that the LA Zoo had hired feng shui performance artist Simona Mainini to work her stupid lack of mojo on the new panda enclosures. It was called: "Idiocy, thy name is feng shui." Only one person ever replied to the original post, and I am fairly sure that

Mars: A Testament to Goofiness

Well, the zaniest paper possible has made it into the Answers "Research" "Journal," the parody science rag put out by Answers in Genesis. Some bozo published "Mars: A Testament to Catastrophe." This week's galling tit, Charles Creager, Jr., author of this hilarious botch, is clearly deficient. Guess who also had a flood only a couple of thousand years ago? Yep. Mars. Fucking Mars. Here's

Grumpy old ladies…

Sure, I was going to tell you about how I was nearly run over by a guy in a truck whose girlfriend was churning his butter, if you know what I'm saying, but things got positively odd today at my parents' place. Now that I think about it, it was unusual that my mother had left a message on my machine encouraging me to come and babysit the nietos (niece and nephews) at her house. She usually

How’s Howse’s Ignoble Crusade Against Reality Going?

More than a month and a half into Brannon Howse's crusade against Barnes & Noble, the media response has been remarkable. I searched LexisNexis Academic, the premier media database. In the last 3 months, do you know how many national news sources have picked up the story? None. In all of the Major US and World Publications, Web Publications, Major World Publications, Company Press Releases, TV

Let’s play “horrific nightmare word association”!

Yesterday, waiting to cross a street, I saw a flier advertising paid campaign staffers' positions in the Missouri governor's race: Did you see what the job title was? "Persuasion Operative"! You know what I think of when I hear the words "Persuasion Operative"? I'm just saying. Apparently "persuasion operative" is the next big thing among Missouri Democrats. I just hope that this

This computer workshop is a waking death…

I'm seriously thinking about yelling, "Killer bees!" and see if that can get me out. HJ

The scene of the crime…

After dinner, I got in my little car and drove over to Big Bend Avenue to go look at the carnage. I had heard on TV that most of the units on the scene were leaving and that all traffic had been opened up on the road. It was now officially a public area. No harm in going by. Yes, I'm a shameful gawker. So, I went by at about 30 mph. Not enough time to get a long look, but long enough to get

It’s Finding Jihad time!

Standard explanation follows. Every so often I post some of the Google searches that have led people to my site, as reported by sitemeter. I can't make this stuff up. <!-- /* Style Definitions */ p.MsoNormal, li.MsoNormal, div.MsoNormal {mso-style-parent:""; margin:0in; margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:

Update on the shooting…

My sister was home with a concussion today and did not go in to work, so she missed the drama today at work. Apparently two days ago she was bonked on the head at work by a falling box and yesterday she felt awful. Verdict, concussion. Not there. Now the road to their work was shut down, but he was able to park nearby and walk to work. They do construction work on houses and had appointments

They are shooting in my neighborhood…almost…

So, as I drove in to the dullest training session in the history of naps, I heard on the radio that Big Bend Ave was closed off. Some asshat started shooting at first responders to a report of a burning car. One is dead. Now, a house is burning. It's on Yahoo's national news right now. The hospital in the story, St. Mary's, is in between my apartment and the grocery store, and a family

This day in ancient American History…

...by which I mean 1925, John Scopes was found guilty of teaching evolution. See the story at Wired. At a training session. Am being naughty. Doing exactly what I yell at my students for doing. I'm so naughty. HJ

Dinesh D’Souza: De Dullest Knife in De Rack

Complete failure Dinesh D'Souza outtarded himself tonight, bare moments before I snicked off for bed. Thanks, Dinesh. For that, I'm just going to have to make you look like an asshole. It's called: An Absentee God? and it lines the bottom of the rabbit cage known as Townhall.com. I'm not a Hitchens fan. Don't get me wrong, he has some zingers. But, eh. Not to go out and buy his book. Oh well.

“This must be what pain feels like!”

Warning, possible spoiler. I won't know until I've ruined it, however, so be aware.. Or something to that effect. I tell you, I have always liked Joss Whedon's work. His Firefly series is the best thing that you have not seen. Really. Staggeringly awesome. Of course I did not see Firefly when it came out on TV, which seems to have been the problem, really. I discovered it on DVD. Of

Carnival of the Godless is Out…

This was my first Carnival of the Godless. I'm not one of the featured 5, but I'm just pleased to be on there at all. Yay! HJ

Brannon Howse: A Confused Man with Powerpoint

Amber Alert: "If you have seen my brain, please return it to Brannon Howse at Worldview Weekend. It was last seen in the company of my eyebrows." You know, one of the reasons that I love writing about that crybaby Brannon Howse is that he is such an easy target. I spend my time at work thinking hard, writing papers and articles about complex issues, contending with the great thinkers of our time

Can you believe it? Another rejection letter!

I can't believe I got yet another rejection letter! This one is from Missing Time University. I mean, it's the only explanation, isn't it? Anyway, I checked with my portfolio service to see how long the turnaround time for this school was and I sent in the application on the 3rd of December. So, what 7.5 months? And what did they do with that time? Prepare an elaborate, pithy,

HJHOP: Your source for lost HJHOP episodes…

I have been having a hell of a time writing lately. But I have taken numerous running starts in the last few weeks. I'm not exactly sure why the radical religious right is being so disappointing lately. Perhaps they are finally giving up? More likely, I'm burned out on summer, I think. But, I have been trying to work. When I hit these rough patches, I like to whip out a thing that I call:

Muffled Arguments from Deepak Chopra’s Asshole

God, I hope he smothers up there. I have mixed feelings about HuffPo. I am a little suspicious of Ariana because of her sordid, by which I mean conservative, past. On an earlier incarnation of The Daily Show, with "the Craiggers," I believe, I seem to remember an election-year skit called "Strange Bedfellows" which put Al Franken in bed with Ariana Huffington. Al was, well, Al, and Ariana was

The Skeptics’ Circle is out…

It's at Sorting Out Science. I did not contribute this time around (I had two in the last one). But go there and baste in the skepticism, won't you? Also, I'd like to point you to Benjamin Radford's LiveScience article "Psychic Nearly Destroys Family." I figure that this cautionary tale is in the spirit of the Skeptics' Circle. HJ

Working out my frustrations…

I am struggling with productivity, or more accurately, productivitylessness. Here's the deal. I have finally won my game of Rome Total War. It took me about 2 weeks. Over 400 turns, each turn getting slightly more complicated. By the end, I could maybe get in four turns at a go, there were so many pieces on the board. I massacred a lot of civilians, by gum, and I enjoyed doing it ever

In which Bing uses the word Nigger. Repeatedly.

Bing: Welcome to HJHOP, broadcasting live tonight from the Midwest. Today on the show we have the Rev. Jesse Jackson, the civil rights leader who was on the balcony with Dr. Martin Luther King when he was assassinated, a 2-time former presidential candidate and lover of New York. Rev Jackson, good evening. Rev. Jackson: Nigger. It's not the first time that I have brought up the word "nigger."

Bill Donohue: “Come see the violence inherent in the system!”

Bill Donohue is a shitbag. I would gladly oppress him. Not other Catholics, mind you, just him. I want to see a grown man slobber like a rabid jackal, minus the jackal's level-headed sobriety. Seriously, there is something completely wrong with the guy, some sort of diseased mind. He thrives on attention and imaginary slights. Seriously. Homeboy gots issues.I once read a David Sedaris

Is InBev going to turn the Clydstales into Belgian “hamburgers”?

,In one of the most distressing scenarios to come across my desk during a day of investigation, sources say that Belgium is one of the leading consumers of horsemeat in the world! What does this mean for the Clydestales? I hate to sound the alarm, but it is clear to me, based on an indisputable lack of evidence to the contrary that the Belgian company will be turning the long and distinguished

AB–I’m not even going to try to spell it.

Sure, I spell like quadriplegics fuck--badly, if at all--but it's staying. Anyway, on to the AB buyout. If it were just one company, I would not be distressed in any way, really. Bud Light is "like sex in a canoe--it's fucking close to water" (Monty Python). But this is really the last high-profile global business in St. Louis. I mean, we lost being TWA's hub and our International Airport

The shame!

I've been doing this damned blog for almost two years now, and while I have never claimed to be a speller, I'm curious as to how a particular misspelling has come to invade every single facet of my online persona. I spelled "Gandhi" wrong. OK, I have been trying to rationalize away my mistake here. Hundreds of times I have used "Bing McGhandi" as my signature up and down the blogosphere!

Headlines, headlines….

Going through the news today, there were a couple of items that caught my attention. Sure there is the InBev purchase AB, which I find...utterly disheartening, but I'll write about this later. First, however, is this rather silly headline: Lead Shot From Hunting and Fishing Kills Wildlife Well, duh. They are shooting wildlife with the lead shot! I mean, they'd hardly be using it if it

Finding Jihad in the Darndest Places

As always, I continue compiling the strange searches that lead to my web page. This is for me. I think of it as humor boot camp or a Whose Line is it Anyway?-style exercise. * can a corpse attract electricity (I smell a Mythbusters segment! And burning human flesh!) * can human corpses be used for energy (Yes, but for quick energy, I find that eating something sugary is more efficacious.