Man, I tried. We left an hour and a half early and we hit the mother of all traffic snarls. There was no way that we were getting there on time.

I hate every single driver in Atlanta individually and collectively. Every single one you is brain damaged. I counted the number of lanes, and there were plenty. We never once came across a single obstruction in the road, which means that all lanes were clear the whole time and that all cars could have moved forward, but for some reason, perhaps a local tradition, everyone decided that they would rather park in front of me. I saw no evidence that anyone had anywhere that they had to be. So pull the fuck over.

As I sat there in traffic, watching my chance to meet Ken Ham evaporate, I noticed how my moving into a different, faster moving lane was the kiss of death for any prospect of forward motion. Now, I know that this is impossible, so I set about figuring how this damned phenomenon occurs, and I came up with a plausible explanation. Bear with me. Imagine that, on average, all three lanes are moving at the same average speed, what with all the starting and stopping. So it averages out. Would you not expect that 2/3 of the time that at least one lane would be moving faster than you? And if you take into account confirmation bias--really only noticing when cars are passing you and not when you are passing other cars, well, you get the "Why is my lane always the slowest effect," or the "McGhandi Effect," which is now its official title.

HJ

Thank you, Internet. You never cease to entertain:

HJ

You have no idea. Seriously. Like none.

I'm already rehearsing the acceptance speech for my Nobel Prize. I figured it out, you see. Scientists have been looking in all the wrong places, you know, like in deep space around galaxies and such. All they needed to do was a little searching on the Internet:

HJ

Of course, so are most prepubescent Chinese girls. (Hey, when I was in SF's Chinatown, all I know is that for the first time in my life, I knew what it felt like to be Godzilla.) He's a wee little man.

You're right, Brannon. En garde, garçon de pisse!

Mr Lovan,

I want to thank you for your coverage of an important issue. It is an under-covered area of education, and it has profound implications for science literacy and American competitiveness. I would, however, ask you to make one point completely clear in the spirit of objective journalism, and that is that hokum and unverifiable claims do not make it into the story without corrective editorial content. I am, in particular, referring to the claim by the Bob Jones University spokesman:

"Wile countered that Coyne 'feels compelled to lie in order to prop up a failing hypothesis (evolution). We definitely do not lie to the students. We tell them the facts that people like Dr. Coyne would prefer to cover up.'"

You could go into any biology lab at any university and verify that Coyne is not lying; you could go with any paleontologist and see how well evolution predicts what they find in the field. As I am currently teaching a course about conspiracy theories, I found it remarkable how easily Wile slipped into conspiracy, and this is important. By extension, every single biologist publishing in peer-reviewed journals for the last 100 years has to be LYING. What an extraordinary claim, but before it is dignified and repeated by the AP, it needs to be bolstered by correspondingly extraordinary evidence. The real story, of course, is that there is not a single peer-reviewed creationist or intelligent design article in any of the relevant scientific literature and that people are still teaching the Bible as science. This is also important because as it stands editors can decide to redact your work in a way that is not consistent with the balance you sought to achieve, as you will note in the version of your article that I sited.

Last week, Mayer "the Butcher" Eisenstein, was sending emails about how he had harnessed the secret of losing weight. Oh, this is Eisenstein:

Dr. Eisenstein's Comments:

I recommend that you eat spinach leaf at least 3-4 times a week. It contains Vitamin K, Boron, Zinc Magnesium, Vitamin A and more of the co-factors needed for Vitamin D absorption.

Scientific studies have shown that Vitamin D and Probiotics along with a calorie restriced program will increase weight loose.

You know, I think I actually recognize the frizzy-haired brunette from another terrible movie, Space Mutiny. She is killed and has a package, you know, down there. Apparently, her hair always looked like that.

I wanted to give my readership a heads-up about a new blog. It's Feverinduced.

I quote the author, Dr. Agridoux:

The blog should be read as an exercise in non-fictional fabrication. The depth of my superficiality is astounding and being highly trained in everything and nothing at all, I will cover some of my favorite monsters including, but not limited to: Culture, Love, The Developing World, GASTROporn, Over-Indulgence, If You Don’t Have a Sense of Humor It Must Be a Very Long Day and Whatever Comes to Mind.

It's always fun to have academics frolicking creatively on the web. Probably because you get to add phrases like "non-fictional fabrication" and "theoretical weaponry" to your theoretical weaponry. Blogrolled, baby!

If any of my readers wants to engage in explicit linky love, let me know. I've gotten the feeling in the last few months that a lot of the larger bloggers don't really have room for sharing more obscure links that tickle their fancies. Of course, that's basically what Oprah has done to make a bunch of talentless nobodies famous, but hey, who's trying to compete with Oprah? Oh that's right, we are.

HJ