Monthly Archive for November, 2009

Religious Belief in Northern Ireland

Published
by
Donald
on November 30, 2009
.

I recently came across the NI Life and Times Survey 2008 and it does make for some interesting reading. The basis of the survey is a series of questions related to religion and other personal beliefs.

So for the question “Do you believe in God?” 7% answered a definite no i.e. the Atheists. A further 11% answered “I don’t know if there is a God and I don’t believe there is any way to find out” which would be the Agnostics. This is in line with other surveys that have been carried out giving a figure of between 10 and 13% for non-believers in NI.

What this shows is that we are not alone in our lack of belief. By the breakdown of figures, there actually appear to be more Atheists than Free Presbyterians which is sometimes hard to believe. Atheists just aren’t vocal enough obviously.

If you then consider that approximately 80% of the Northern Ireland population believe in God and approximately 75% are Christian it is not hard to see where answers to some of the other questions come from:

  1. Are sexual relations between adults of the same sex wrong? Combining the ‘yes’ votes gives 59%
  2. Is abortion wrong if there is a strong chance of a serious defect in the baby? Combining ‘yes’ votes gives 63%
  3. Is abortion wrong if the family cannot afford another child? 75%

So it looks like belief is a strong driving force for the big questions in Northern Ireland’s society. Would it be wrong to say Homophobic and Anti-Choice because of religious belief?

The question that I found most interesting was this one:

“Does religion bring more conflict than peace?” – 63% agree with this.

Given Northern Ireland’s history, it is difficult not to agree with this statement. But does this not mean that a proportion of people surveyed accept that their beliefs lead to more conflict and they’re happy with that? Would Ireland have been a more peaceful nation if there was no religion?

Aggressive Atheism by Pat Condell

Published
by
Me
on November 30, 2009
.



Aggressive Atheism by Pat Condell

Published
by
Me
on November 30, 2009
.



Mitchell and Webb – Homeopathic A&E

Published
by
DavidB
on November 30, 2009
.

What does Skepticism mean to me?

Published
by
DavidB
on November 30, 2009
.

Most of us use the word ‘Skeptical’ very loosely to mean doubting or not believing in something but that really doesn’t capture the true meaning of the word. According to wikipedia:

“Skepticism is an approach to accepting, rejecting, or suspending judgment on new information that requires the new information to be well supported by argument or evidence.”

It is that last bit which is the key – requiring information to be well supported by argument or evidence. A true skeptic questions the facts and looks for evidence before accepting anything as being true.

I am an atheist but that in itself is not an important label for me. Defining myself as an atheist seems as daft as defining myself as ‘not a Liverpool supporter’ or declaring my nationality as ‘not Belgian’. What is important to me is that my outlook on life is skeptical and rational. When I look at the world in that way being an atheist is a natural consequence.

I am not anti-religious, I grew up in the anglican church and I can still enjoy the music, the ceremony and the atmosphere of a great church or cathedral but for me now it is a cultural or aesthetic pleasure not a supernatural one. I believe that religion has a place in the world, there is a reason why every known society for as far back as we can trace seems to have had religion. The radical atheists who demand the banning of every religion are not, in my opinion, being either rational or skeptical. Religion is not the root of all evil, it is just another of the many tools and excuses that human beings use.

I do not believe that religious beliefs should be given any special protection in our society and I think that religious people need to learn that they do not have an inalienable right to not be offended. If your religion cannot stand up to questioning, to ridicule even then it is worth very little. No religion should be used as the basis for government, education or law making. Our modern, grown up societies should be based on rationality and our children should be taught to be skeptical, thoughtful people.

That is what I think being a skeptic is all about – what I really want to know is what you think. I would like this site to be a place for discussion of what skeptics, atheists, rational people think about the world and how we can use those principals to change our society for the better.

Please leave a comment below or, if you want to contribute an article of your own, contact us via email or twitter.

Welcome to Skeptology

Published
by
DavidB
on November 30, 2009
.

Skeptology is a blog that has been setup by a bunch of Skeptics living in Northern Ireland. The site arose primarily to promote a growing need for a ‘skeptical movement’ in Northern Ireland, who’s population and politics are generally religious in nature. No doubt the main theme will be of an Atheist or Secular Humanist slant, but the hope is that other aspects of skepticism will be explored and commented on e.g. alternative and complementary medicine, the paranormal, scientific information etc.

If you would like to be a contributor, please do not hesitate to get in contact (info at skeptology dot com)

Three Principles In Accordance

Published
by
Cody Nickels
on November 29, 2009
.
Logic, Science, Proof,..................... Do you believe in a god?


What if someone presented the following statement: Using LOGIC and SCIENCE, I can PROVE that GOD does not exist.

To understand the full claim of this statement, lets look at the four main content words (as highlighted in red)

1)GOD: the one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe.

  • In most religion, god is stated to be the creator of everything, including the earth and everything upon it. Keep this in mind as we progress through the article.




2) LOGIC: the system or principles of reasoning applicable to any branch of knowledge or study.

Logic is built upon three laws:
  • Law of identification
  • Law of non-contradiction
  • Law of excluded middle
Since the main subject of the statement is GOD, under the law of identification, GOD=GOD. GOD does not equal lampshade, or table etc.

(note: I know this is common sense to most, but bear with me, this is necessary knowledge to understand the concept of the statement)

  • With gods existence in question, the law of non-contradiction states that GOD cant exist and also not exist. He must be existent or non-existent, as to oppose contradiction.

  • And finally, the law of excluded middle states that GOD cannot kind of exist. He either exists in full, or doesn't exist at all.



3) PROVE/PROOF: the establishment of the truth of anything.

Their are two types of proof: Evidential proof, and absolute proof.
  • Evidential Proof: This is the type of proof that we use every day. For example, we use evidential proof to establish that their is no traffic coming before we cross the road. The evidential proof is provided through our vision and hearing. Evidential proof is also the method used in court systems, and just about everything in life, big or small. Evidential proof has a cap limit of 99.9% accuracy.
  • Absolute Proof: Absolute Proof can only be attained from logic based principles. For example, I can provide absolute proof that 7+4=11. Why? Because mathematics are based on fundamental principles that do not change. Since absolute proof can only be attained through logic based principles, it can not be used to provide any answers to questions outside of these logic based principles. Therefore, absolute proof cannot be used to determine the existence or non-existence of god. Just as absolute proof cannot be used to determine that their is not a pink unicorn hovering above your head, singing Elvis's greatest hits. Such a claim is outrageous, but still, you cant use absolute proof to say that its true or false. So you would resort to evidential proof. As we will in drawing a conclusion to the statement.


4)SCIENCE: systematic knowledge of the physical or material world gained through observation and experimentation.

  • Science is built from the Scientific Method. This is the method that has been used to obtain such knowledge necessary to engineer nearly all the products that we use on a daily basis, such as your cell phone, computer, automobile, etc.

The Scientific Method consists of the following steps:

  1. Ask a question
  2. Obtain background information pertaining to the question
  3. Create a hypothesis (note that a hypothesis is very similar to a theory in context, but has no evidential proof behind it)
  4. Perform an experiment in regards to your hypothesis
  5. Analyze the results
  6. Draw a conclusion (only if substantial evidence is obtained from step 5)
  7. Label hypothesis as a theory (if all the steps have been thoroughly engaged)
  • A very common misconception is labeling a hypothesis as a theory. A hypothesis must go through all of the steps in the method to achieve such a title.

Because all the claims derived from literature within religions cannot be properly tested under the scientific method, all religion remains a mere HYPOTHESIS. On the other hand, in contradiction to the claims of religion, we have the evolution THEORY, the abiogenesis THEORY, and many other actual THEORIES that oppose the shallow claims of religion. And keep in mind, religion is nothing more that a HYPOTHESIS. So why would you believe a hypothesis over a theory? A theory that went through all the steps in the scientific method, and has evidential proof to back its claims. Such a closed mindset is not reasonable. For example, lets say I had a hypothesis that my friend "Joe" was 22 years old. But Joe's mother claimed that he was 19. I have no evidence to support my claim, so it remains a hypothesis. But Joe's mother has much substantial evidence to support her hypothesis (birth certificate, etc). So after going through the steps, she has a theory. So why would anyone believe my hypothesis over her theory? Just because i want Joe to be 22 so he can buy me whiskey (lol), it doesn't change the facts. Theory overrides hypothesis.

In conclusion, we know that under the law of non-contradiction in logic, god cannot be existent and non-existent. With that in mind, look at this simple contradicting comparison, the THEORY of abiogenesis and the HYPOTHESIS of religion/god. Abiogenesis is the THEORY that states "chemical evolution", the study of how life on Earth could have arisen from inanimate matter. That THEORY is contradicting to the hypothesis of religion, which states that GOD created the universe and everything within it. Another example, their are theories on how old the earth is. One THEORY in particular states that the earth is approximately 4.5 billion years old. Compared to the claim from the HYPOTHESIS of Christianity, which states that the earth is only approximately 6,000 years old. So which will you believe? Hypothesis or Theory?

  • A very useful tool in processing all of this information to draw a conclusion is REASONING. REASONING, along with LOGIC, SCIENCE, EVIDENTIAL PROOF, and the thought process, can provide assuring answers to the most compelling questions.

    Three Principles In Accordance

    Published
    by
    Cody Nickels
    on November 29, 2009
    .
    Logic, Science, Proof,..................... Do you believe in a god?


    What if someone presented the following statement: Using LOGIC and SCIENCE, I can PROVE that GOD does not exist.

    To understand the full claim of this statement, lets look at the four main content words (as highlighted in red)

    1)GOD: the one Supreme Being, the creator and ruler of the universe.

    • In most religion, god is stated to be the creator of everything, including the earth and everything upon it. Keep this in mind as we progress through the article.




    2) LOGIC: the system or principles of reasoning applicable to any branch of knowledge or study.

    Logic is built upon three laws:
    • Law of identification
    • Law of non-contradiction
    • Law of excluded middle
    Since the main subject of the statement is GOD, under the law of identification, GOD=GOD. GOD does not equal lampshade, or table etc.

    (note: I know this is common sense to most, but bear with me, this is necessary knowledge to understand the concept of the statement)

    • With gods existence in question, the law of non-contradiction states that GOD cant exist and also not exist. He must be existent or non-existent, as to oppose contradiction.

    • And finally, the law of excluded middle states that GOD cannot kind of exist. He either exists in full, or doesn't exist at all.



    3) PROVE/PROOF: the establishment of the truth of anything.

    Their are two types of proof: Evidential proof, and absolute proof.
    • Evidential Proof: This is the type of proof that we use every day. For example, we use evidential proof to establish that their is no traffic coming before we cross the road. The evidential proof is provided through our vision and hearing. Evidential proof is also the method used in court systems, and just about everything in life, big or small. Evidential proof has a cap limit of 99.9% accuracy.
    • Absolute Proof: Absolute Proof can only be attained from logic based principles. For example, I can provide absolute proof that 7+4=11. Why? Because mathematics are based on fundamental principles that do not change. Since absolute proof can only be attained through logic based principles, it can not be used to provide any answers to questions outside of these logic based principles. Therefore, absolute proof cannot be used to determine the existence or non-existence of god. Just as absolute proof cannot be used to determine that their is not a pink unicorn hovering above your head, singing Elvis's greatest hits. Such a claim is outrageous, but still, you cant use absolute proof to say that its true or false. So you would resort to evidential proof. As we will in drawing a conclusion to the statement.


    4)SCIENCE: systematic knowledge of the physical or material world gained through observation and experimentation.

    • Science is built from the Scientific Method. This is the method that has been used to obtain such knowledge necessary to engineer nearly all the products that we use on a daily basis, such as your cell phone, computer, automobile, etc.

    The Scientific Method consists of the following steps:

    1. Ask a question
    2. Obtain background information pertaining to the question
    3. Create a hypothesis (note that a hypothesis is very similar to a theory in context, but has no evidential proof behind it)
    4. Perform an experiment in regards to your hypothesis
    5. Analyze the results
    6. Draw a conclusion (only if substantial evidence is obtained from step 5)
    7. Label hypothesis as a theory (if all the steps have been thoroughly engaged)
    • A very common misconception is labeling a hypothesis as a theory. A hypothesis must go through all of the steps in the method to achieve such a title.

    Because all the claims derived from literature within religions cannot be properly tested under the scientific method, all religion remains a mere HYPOTHESIS. On the other hand, in contradiction to the claims of religion, we have the evolution THEORY, the abiogenesis THEORY, and many other actual THEORIES that oppose the shallow claims of religion. And keep in mind, religion is nothing more that a HYPOTHESIS. So why would you believe a hypothesis over a theory? A theory that went through all the steps in the scientific method, and has evidential proof to back its claims. Such a closed mindset is not reasonable. For example, lets say I had a hypothesis that my friend "Joe" was 22 years old. But Joe's mother claimed that he was 19. I have no evidence to support my claim, so it remains a hypothesis. But Joe's mother has much substantial evidence to support her hypothesis (birth certificate, etc). So after going through the steps, she has a theory. So why would anyone believe my hypothesis over her theory? Just because i want Joe to be 22 so he can buy me whiskey (lol), it doesn't change the facts. Theory overrides hypothesis.

    In conclusion, we know that under the law of non-contradiction in logic, god cannot be existent and non-existent. With that in mind, look at this simple contradicting comparison, the THEORY of abiogenesis and the HYPOTHESIS of religion/god. Abiogenesis is the THEORY that states "chemical evolution", the study of how life on Earth could have arisen from inanimate matter. That THEORY is contradicting to the hypothesis of religion, which states that GOD created the universe and everything within it. Another example, their are theories on how old the earth is. One THEORY in particular states that the earth is approximately 4.5 billion years old. Compared to the claim from the HYPOTHESIS of Christianity, which states that the earth is only approximately 6,000 years old. So which will you believe? Hypothesis or Theory?

    • A very useful tool in processing all of this information to draw a conclusion is REASONING. REASONING, along with LOGIC, SCIENCE, EVIDENTIAL PROOF, and the thought process, can provide assuring answers to the most compelling questions.

      Some of my favorite eponyms

      Published
      by
      BarnStormer
      on November 29, 2009
      .
      For those of you who do not know, an eponym (as defined by the Merriam-Webster's online dictionary) is "one for whom or which something is or is believed to be named." Let me give you an example- a newton is a good idea that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. It's obviously derived from the famous Sir Isaac Newton, and in this case specifically refers to the story of Newton being sat down beneath an apple tree, and then being bonked on the head with an apple, and thinking hard enough about that incident to then formulate his theory on gravity (and consequently, he invents calculus). Now, I'm not going to vouch for the credibility of the previous sentence, and quite honestly am a bit skeptical of the story myself, but that is not the issue here. In fact, there is no issue, I am merely trying to show an example of an eponym. I trust you now understand.

      Recently on one of my favorite blogs, Schott's Vocab, there was a competition between the readers trying to see who can formulate the best eponymous word. Being a fan of words, I decided to give the comments section a look over, and perhaps share some of the eponymous words I found amusing here.
      So, my readers, here you are-

      Number 1. dawkins: SI unit of disbelief = inverse of graham

      Number 2. to sun (tzu) sue: keep your friends close but your attorneys closer

      Number 3. Kanye’d: Get embarrassed by someone in a formal public setting. Usually by someone who’s drunk.

      Number 4      . T.Hanks Giving: this is the special occasion you give someone Sleepless In Seattle, BIG, Philidelphia, The Money Pit, Dragnet, Turner and Hooch, Forrest Gump, et al……

      Number 5      . A Clintonian Truth: Technically accurate but deliberately misleading. “I did not have sex with that woman” and others.

      After reading through ten pages of the comments sections, I've been inspired to create an eponymous word of my own.

      To Ray Comfort- To continuously babble on about scientific topics you're ignorant about, only to continue mouthing off the same tripe after being proved incorrect time and time again.

      What, too wordy? Not wordy enough?

      Oh well...

      Some of my favorite eponyms

      Published
      by
      BarnStormer
      on November 29, 2009
      .
      For those of you who do not know, an eponym (as defined by the Merriam-Webster's online dictionary) is "one for whom or which something is or is believed to be named." Let me give you an example- a newton is a good idea that seems to have appeared out of nowhere. It's obviously derived from the famous Sir Isaac Newton, and in this case specifically refers to the story of Newton being sat down beneath an apple tree, and then being bonked on the head with an apple, and thinking hard enough about that incident to then formulate his theory on gravity (and consequently, he invents calculus). Now, I'm not going to vouch for the credibility of the previous sentence, and quite honestly am a bit skeptical of the story myself, but that is not the issue here. In fact, there is no issue, I am merely trying to show an example of an eponym. I trust you now understand.

      Recently on one of my favorite blogs, Schott's Vocab, there was a competition between the readers trying to see who can formulate the best eponymous word. Being a fan of words, I decided to give the comments section a look over, and perhaps share some of the eponymous words I found amusing here.
      So, my readers, here you are-

      Number 1. dawkins: SI unit of disbelief = inverse of graham

      Number 2. to sun (tzu) sue: keep your friends close but your attorneys closer

      Number 3. Kanye’d: Get embarrassed by someone in a formal public setting. Usually by someone who’s drunk.

      Number 4      . T.Hanks Giving: this is the special occasion you give someone Sleepless In Seattle, BIG, Philidelphia, The Money Pit, Dragnet, Turner and Hooch, Forrest Gump, et al……

      Number 5      . A Clintonian Truth: Technically accurate but deliberately misleading. “I did not have sex with that woman” and others.

      After reading through ten pages of the comments sections, I've been inspired to create an eponymous word of my own.

      To Ray Comfort- To continuously babble on about scientific topics you're ignorant about, only to continue mouthing off the same tripe after being proved incorrect time and time again.

      What, too wordy? Not wordy enough?

      Oh well...

      You know…

      Published
      by
      BarnStormer
      on November 28, 2009
      .
      I have been neglecting this blog recently, even though I've tried to make constant efforts to update it. I've been busy for a while, but I've still been reading all the blogs in my RSS feed.

      So, it's two days after the glorious Thanksgiving holiday here in America, and I have to tell you that there is no way in hell anybody would ever be able to get me to accompany them to a Black Friday sale. The lines are crazy. (In case you didn't know, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgivings in which you see America consumerism at it's worse...or best, depending at how you look at it.)
      I live conveniently close to a local shopping center, so you can only imagine hordes of people setting up camp after having finished their Thanksgiving dinners.

      And I don't care how cheap that laptop is, it isn't worth the cold morning surrounded by people who have become your enemies just for becoming your immediate competition. It especially isn't worth it when I already have a perfectly functioning computer at home.

      That's just a thought unrelated to anything else on this blog.


      (Click the image to expand.)

      You know…

      Published
      by
      BarnStormer
      on November 28, 2009
      .
      I have been neglecting this blog recently, even though I've tried to make constant efforts to update it. I've been busy for a while, but I've still been reading all the blogs in my RSS feed.

      So, it's two days after the glorious Thanksgiving holiday here in America, and I have to tell you that there is no way in hell anybody would ever be able to get me to accompany them to a Black Friday sale. The lines are crazy. (In case you didn't know, Black Friday is the day after Thanksgivings in which you see America consumerism at it's worse...or best, depending at how you look at it.)
      I live conveniently close to a local shopping center, so you can only imagine hordes of people setting up camp after having finished their Thanksgiving dinners.

      And I don't care how cheap that laptop is, it isn't worth the cold morning surrounded by people who have become your enemies just for becoming your immediate competition. It especially isn't worth it when I already have a perfectly functioning computer at home.

      That's just a thought unrelated to anything else on this blog.


      (Click the image to expand.)

      There’s no such thing as a free Bible.

      Published
      by
      Ron
      on November 28, 2009
      .
      Why can't I get a free Bible?

      So I tried getting a free Bible a few months ago from LESEA Broadcasting. These are the people who bring us The Jim Bakker Show, Jimmy Swaggart, and the like. I sometimes watch Bakker for laughs on the weekend; I can't figure out if the guy looks more like Master Yoda or the Grinch.

      Anyways, LESEA ran a commercial that explicitly stated that I could request a free Bible from them. All I had to do was call their 800 number. So I did. The lady on the phone was nice enough, she took my information, I did a little wink-with-a-fist-pump gesture at my wife, and that was that. Then I waited. I waited until I forgot that I was waiting.

      About a month later, the mailman drops off a rather flat and bible-free brochure from LESEA Broadcasting. My yes lit up as I read the brochure. LESEA proudly states that they have given away millions of bibles, and continue to do so. At this point I'm wondering what the hell is going on, where is my Bible, and they I read the next page. For my LOVE GIFT of $25, LESEA will send me a free Bible. My love gift will go towards free bibles for the third world.

      Really, that is what it said. Even I didn't expect this. So distastefully bold, yet brilliant in execution.

      Thwarted in my complimentary bible attempt, I began looking online for free bibles. Time and again, I find *free* Bibles that always require something. Either I must give a love gift, cover shipping costs, or sit-down with a kooky missionary. Gideon Bibles at hotel rooms aren't even free, the hotel will charge you a replacement fee.

      Frustrated, I went to the Christianity.com website and found the following advice on requesting a free Bible:

      1) Contact a local church (too many strings attached)
      2) Download free Bible software (I don't want software, I want something I can read in post-apocalyptia)
      3) Use a free online Bible (see #2 above)
      4) Be a Philippines or Africa resident (what the hell?)
      5) Contact a Bible Society (with a disclaimer that they offer bulk pricing discounts...so not free)

      6) Contact FreeBibles.net (this one sounds promising, even if they say they only provide bibles to the needy or imprisoned)
      7) FreeBibleSociety.org (this one sounds the most promising, no strings attached)

      I went to FreeBibles.net and requested my free Bible. This did not come without strings though. In order to process my request, I had to attest to at least one of the following conditions:

      -I am very poor
      -I am very sick or homebound
      -I am incarcerated

      Not only did I have to attest to one of these conditions when I requested my Bible at the website, but I had to do it again in a follow-up email! Are they worried about people stealing Bibles? Is it even theologically possible to commit a crime while acquiring a God's Holy Word?

      I also pursued the second option, FreeBibleSociety.org. This is supposedly the no-strings-attached option, and I like that. While filling in my information at the website, I'm greeted with a bolded text field which states that there is a 3 year waiting list for all Bible requests. Unbelievable. What if I get eaten by a shark next week? If Jesus knows the entire arc of my life, would he know that I was expecting a Bible to arrive in the future? Would He send me to Hell, then deliver a Bible to me in three years?

      Undeterred by the delay since I plan on living, I completed my request. I then received an email from a William Watson, with a text file attached (this is a real asshole move by the way...computer viruses like to arrive as text files). I opened the file, and in it was more info on the waiting list, a comment on the small print size, and an admonishment to buy a Bible at a Dollar Tree store.

      Hello-
      Your request has been heard. At present there are over 4000 requests, but we will send you your Bible as soon as we are able. Please be patient. We receive more requests in one day than we are able to fulfill in a week. The fact that so many people want to read God's word is very encouraging, but delivery is slow going. You will receive your Bible in time.
      It should also be noted that, because of the demand, only as many as 2 Bibles are sent at one time, unless extenuating circumstances exist. Also, the Bibles we are offering at this time are English language, KJV Bibles and the print is small. Special requests will try to be fulfilled, but in many cases they cannot be. Do not despair; we will see what we can do.
      F.B.S.

      Pss. For those in America, you should know that we buy our Bibles from The Dollar Tree stores and at dollartree.com. It is the inexpensive way to buy a Bible. We say this only because our list of requests is so long; it takes a long time for requests to be fulfilled. If you cannot wait, it is a way to get one quickly, for little money.
      -----
      Pss. IT IS WITH REGRET THAT WE MUST INFORM YOU THAT, AS OF AUGUST 1 2009, WE HAVE EXCEEDED 5000 REQUESTS AND IT MAY TAKE UP TO 3 YEARS FOR YOU TO RECEIVE YOUR BIBLE. SPECIAL NEEDS, SUCH AS ILLNESS AND THE LIKE, WILL TRY TO BE FULFILLED AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, BUT FOR MOST, THE WAIT WILL BE A LONG ONE. WE ARE SORRY FOR THIS, BUT HAVE NO PHYSICAL WAY OF PREVENTING THE WAIT, AT THIS TIME. IT IS OUR DESIRE TO FULFILL EVERY REQUEST THOUGH. PATIENCE, IN THIS INSTANCE, WILL INDEED, BE A VIRTUE.
      F.B.S.

      Jesus Christ man, why is this so friggin' hard? All I want is a free Bible. I don't want to buy it, I don't want to move to Africa to get it, and I certainly don't want to receive it in prison.

      Isn't this enough to realize that the Bible, Christianity and Jesus are all man-made? Wouldn't the beautiful baby Jesus provide me with a free, over-nighted, postage-paid, LARGE PRINT Bible?


      There’s no such thing as a free Bible.

      Published
      by
      Daniel
      on November 28, 2009
      .
      Why can't I get a free Bible?

      So I tried getting a free Bible a few months ago from LESEA Broadcasting. These are the people who bring us The Jim Bakker Show, Jimmy Swaggart, and the like. I sometimes watch Bakker for laughs on the weekend; I can't figure out if the guy looks more like Master Yoda or the Grinch.

      Anyways, LESEA ran a commercial that explicitly stated that I could request a free Bible from them. All I had to do was call their 800 number. So I did. The lady on the phone was nice enough, she took my information, I did a little wink-with-a-fist-pump gesture at my wife, and that was that. Then I waited. I waited until I forgot that I was waiting.

      About a month later, the mailman drops off a rather flat and bible-free brochure from LESEA Broadcasting. My yes lit up as I read the brochure. LESEA proudly states that they have given away millions of bibles, and continue to do so. At this point I'm wondering what the hell is going on, where is my Bible, and they I read the next page. For my LOVE GIFT of $25, LESEA will send me a free Bible. My love gift will go towards free bibles for the third world.

      Really, that is what it said. Even I didn't expect this. So distastefully bold, yet brilliant in execution.

      Thwarted in my complimentary bible attempt, I began looking online for free bibles. Time and again, I find *free* Bibles that always require something. Either I must give a love gift, cover shipping costs, or sit-down with a kooky missionary. Gideon Bibles at hotel rooms aren't even free, the hotel will charge you a replacement fee.

      Frustrated, I went to the Christianity.com website and found the following advice on requesting a free Bible:

      1) Contact a local church (too many strings attached)
      2) Download free Bible software (I don't want software, I want something I can read in post-apocalyptia)
      3) Use a free online Bible (see #2 above)
      4) Be a Philippines or Africa resident (what the hell?)
      5) Contact a Bible Society (with a disclaimer that they offer bulk pricing discounts...so not free)

      6) Contact FreeBibles.net (this one sounds promising, even if they say they only provide bibles to the needy or imprisoned)
      7) FreeBibleSociety.org (this one sounds the most promising, no strings attached)

      I went to FreeBibles.net and requested my free Bible. This did not come without strings though. In order to process my request, I had to attest to at least one of the following conditions:

      -I am very poor
      -I am very sick or homebound
      -I am incarcerated

      Not only did I have to attest to one of these conditions when I requested my Bible at the website, but I had to do it again in a follow-up email! Are they worried about people stealing Bibles? Is it even theologically possible to commit a crime while acquiring a God's Holy Word?

      I also pursued the second option, FreeBibleSociety.org. This is supposedly the no-strings-attached option, and I like that. While filling in my information at the website, I'm greeted with a bolded text field which states that there is a 3 year waiting list for all Bible requests. Unbelievable. What if I get eaten by a shark next week? If Jesus knows the entire arc of my life, would he know that I was expecting a Bible to arrive in the future? Would He send me to Hell, then deliver a Bible to me in three years?

      Undeterred by the delay since I plan on living, I completed my request. I then received an email from a William Watson, with a text file attached (this is a real asshole move by the way...computer viruses like to arrive as text files). I opened the file, and in it was more info on the waiting list, a comment on the small print size, and an admonishment to buy a Bible at a Dollar Tree store.

      Hello-
      Your request has been heard. At present there are over 4000 requests, but we will send you your Bible as soon as we are able. Please be patient. We receive more requests in one day than we are able to fulfill in a week. The fact that so many people want to read God's word is very encouraging, but delivery is slow going. You will receive your Bible in time.
      It should also be noted that, because of the demand, only as many as 2 Bibles are sent at one time, unless extenuating circumstances exist. Also, the Bibles we are offering at this time are English language, KJV Bibles and the print is small. Special requests will try to be fulfilled, but in many cases they cannot be. Do not despair; we will see what we can do.
      F.B.S.

      Pss. For those in America, you should know that we buy our Bibles from The Dollar Tree stores and at dollartree.com. It is the inexpensive way to buy a Bible. We say this only because our list of requests is so long; it takes a long time for requests to be fulfilled. If you cannot wait, it is a way to get one quickly, for little money.
      -----
      Pss. IT IS WITH REGRET THAT WE MUST INFORM YOU THAT, AS OF AUGUST 1 2009, WE HAVE EXCEEDED 5000 REQUESTS AND IT MAY TAKE UP TO 3 YEARS FOR YOU TO RECEIVE YOUR BIBLE. SPECIAL NEEDS, SUCH AS ILLNESS AND THE LIKE, WILL TRY TO BE FULFILLED AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE, BUT FOR MOST, THE WAIT WILL BE A LONG ONE. WE ARE SORRY FOR THIS, BUT HAVE NO PHYSICAL WAY OF PREVENTING THE WAIT, AT THIS TIME. IT IS OUR DESIRE TO FULFILL EVERY REQUEST THOUGH. PATIENCE, IN THIS INSTANCE, WILL INDEED, BE A VIRTUE.
      F.B.S.

      Jesus Christ man, why is this so friggin' hard? All I want is a free Bible. I don't want to buy it, I don't want to move to Africa to get it, and I certainly don't want to receive it in prison.

      Isn't this enough to realize that the Bible, Christianity and Jesus are all man-made? Wouldn't the beautiful baby Jesus provide me with a free, over-nighted, postage-paid, LARGE PRINT Bible?


      All Time Low

      Published
      by
      Cody Nickels
      on November 28, 2009
      .
      Just when i thought i had heard it all............................. Today on yahoo news, i found a story of a woman who had remains of residue on the bottom of her iron, that of which she insists is the image of Jesus Christ himself. If that is what Jesus looks like, then beauty must really be on the inside. Another shallow attempt to manipulate reality and venture towards a nonexistent relationship with Americas favorite imaginary friend. The link is below if you need a good laugh, it made my day.

      http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/image-of-Jesus-Christ/photo//091127/480/dd3bc10d1d26484aa8cbc75d45fc97be/

      All Time Low

      Published
      by
      Cody Nickels
      on November 28, 2009
      .
      Just when i thought i had heard it all............................. Today on yahoo news, i found a story of a woman who had remains of residue on the bottom of her iron, that of which she insists is the image of Jesus Christ himself. If that is what Jesus looks like, then beauty must really be on the inside. Another shallow attempt to manipulate reality and venture towards a nonexistent relationship with Americas favorite imaginary friend. The link is below if you need a good laugh, it made my day.

      http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/image-of-Jesus-Christ/photo//091127/480/dd3bc10d1d26484aa8cbc75d45fc97be/