Monthly Archive for July, 2009
Ok so Obama has asked the cop and the professor over for a beer. He wants to deal with this but not make too big a deal out of it either, diffuse the situation and shit.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32210408/ns/politics-white_house/
(this is my first attempt bloggin from my phone and I'm not sure how to make links pretty, hopefully they don't try to make me learn HTML at this point)
But I have one major major concern here. The cop asked for blue moon, a tasty brew, the harvard bloke wants red stripe, horray beer! And the leader of the free world is going to sip on bud light.... BUD FUCKING LIGHT!! Seriously? Ok I'm sure it's a calculated move like everything he does, he probably had advisors telling him what would be the exact right beer so as not to look pretentious, it had to be an American beer obviously. He probably just said what's the best selling beer in the country and figured that would be a good pick to look like an average Joe, but as I've said many times you're the fucking president you are by deffinition the elite, pretty much as high up there as you can get without Simon clapping for you, you don't need to pretend to be average Joe. Yeah it worked for the last guy but it's probably best not to look at him for ideas on how to be prez. He should have had an Arrogant Bastard Ale then wrote a note to the company saying, I am worthy.
Oh and yeah he should have had an American beer, I almost forgot bud isn't American anymore, I think some Belgian company makes that swill now. I realize he can't show up with ahold bottle of Sam Adams utopia and not catch shit, although a regular Sam would be a good choice. Then again maybe he just doesn't like beer so he got water instead, or bud light which is close enough.
As for the meeting itself, meh. It makes sense, just try to get that little mess behind us so he can get back to letting the repubs and bitch ass dems fuck up any chance for useful change in health care.
I want the dems to grow a pair, they got a real mandate during the election but still all they can
talk about is bipartisan bullshit, personally I think it's so they can keep blaming the rebups, and that's the issue they are still in the mindset of avoiding blame for fuck ups instead of wanting credit for a job well done. They need to stand up and say ok here is our plan, yall on the othe side of the isle are welcome to join us working out the details but if you don't like the basic plan that's fine, whine and bitch but stay outta the way. Yeah go cry to ORielly and his little impersonator (not Colbert, the other one the shitty one) about how making sure everyone can see a doctor is evil socialism. Instead they just water shit down until the repubs are sorta ok with it, and the "blue dogs" who are actually the bigger problem here. Where's the other side in this debate? All I hear is how it's socialist, where are the rest of the comentators screaming cause it's not social enough? I want single payer national healthcare! Fuck the insurance companies, they've fucked us long enough.
UPDATE: lots of people have rambled bullshit about this, the only reason I did is because I don't care for Bud Light and i think his choice was a political move, i just think it's sad that politics have gotten to the point where the President can't even drink a beer without thinking about how it will look to the people. Of course there is the chance that he just likes Bud Light, my dad does, it's not terrible beer its just dull beer.
"How is American beer like sex in a canoe?"
"It's Fucking close to water!"
- Andrew, someone I knew when I flew. He was a character...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32210408/ns/politics-white_house/
(this is my first attempt bloggin from my phone and I'm not sure how to make links pretty, hopefully they don't try to make me learn HTML at this point)
But I have one major major concern here. The cop asked for blue moon, a tasty brew, the harvard bloke wants red stripe, horray beer! And the leader of the free world is going to sip on bud light.... BUD FUCKING LIGHT!! Seriously? Ok I'm sure it's a calculated move like everything he does, he probably had advisors telling him what would be the exact right beer so as not to look pretentious, it had to be an American beer obviously. He probably just said what's the best selling beer in the country and figured that would be a good pick to look like an average Joe, but as I've said many times you're the fucking president you are by deffinition the elite, pretty much as high up there as you can get without Simon clapping for you, you don't need to pretend to be average Joe. Yeah it worked for the last guy but it's probably best not to look at him for ideas on how to be prez. He should have had an Arrogant Bastard Ale then wrote a note to the company saying, I am worthy.
Oh and yeah he should have had an American beer, I almost forgot bud isn't American anymore, I think some Belgian company makes that swill now. I realize he can't show up with ahold bottle of Sam Adams utopia and not catch shit, although a regular Sam would be a good choice. Then again maybe he just doesn't like beer so he got water instead, or bud light which is close enough.
As for the meeting itself, meh. It makes sense, just try to get that little mess behind us so he can get back to letting the repubs and bitch ass dems fuck up any chance for useful change in health care.
I want the dems to grow a pair, they got a real mandate during the election but still all they can
talk about is bipartisan bullshit, personally I think it's so they can keep blaming the rebups, and that's the issue they are still in the mindset of avoiding blame for fuck ups instead of wanting credit for a job well done. They need to stand up and say ok here is our plan, yall on the othe side of the isle are welcome to join us working out the details but if you don't like the basic plan that's fine, whine and bitch but stay outta the way. Yeah go cry to ORielly and his little impersonator (not Colbert, the other one the shitty one) about how making sure everyone can see a doctor is evil socialism. Instead they just water shit down until the repubs are sorta ok with it, and the "blue dogs" who are actually the bigger problem here. Where's the other side in this debate? All I hear is how it's socialist, where are the rest of the comentators screaming cause it's not social enough? I want single payer national healthcare! Fuck the insurance companies, they've fucked us long enough.
UPDATE: lots of people have rambled bullshit about this, the only reason I did is because I don't care for Bud Light and i think his choice was a political move, i just think it's sad that politics have gotten to the point where the President can't even drink a beer without thinking about how it will look to the people. Of course there is the chance that he just likes Bud Light, my dad does, it's not terrible beer its just dull beer.
"How is American beer like sex in a canoe?"
"It's Fucking close to water!"
- Andrew, someone I knew when I flew. He was a character...
Ok so Obama has asked the cop and the professor over for a beer. He wants to deal with this but not make too big a deal out of it either, diffuse the situation and shit.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32210408/ns/politics-white_house/
(this is my first attempt bloggin from my phone and I'm not sure how to make links pretty, hopefully they don't try to make me learn HTML at this point)
But I have one major major concern here. The cop asked for blue moon, a tasty brew, the harvard bloke wants red stripe, horray beer! And the leader of the free world is going to sip on bud light.... BUD FUCKING LIGHT!! Seriously? Ok I'm sure it's a calculated move like everything he does, he probably had advisors telling him what would be the exact right beer so as not to look pretentious, it had to be an American beer obviously. He probably just said what's the best selling beer in the country and figured that would be a good pick to look like an average Joe, but as I've said many times you're the fucking president you are by deffinition the elite, pretty much as high up there as you can get without Simon clapping for you, you don't need to pretend to be average Joe. Yeah it worked for the last guy but it's probably best not to look at him for ideas on how to be prez. He should have had an Arrogant Bastard Ale then wrote a note to the company saying, I am worthy.
Oh and yeah he should have had an American beer, I almost forgot bud isn't American anymore, I think some Belgian company makes that swill now. I realize he can't show up with ahold bottle of Sam Adams utopia and not catch shit, although a regular Sam would be a good choice. Then again maybe he just doesn't like beer so he got water instead, or bud light which is close enough.
As for the meeting itself, meh. It makes sense, just try to get that little mess behind us so he can get back to letting the repubs and bitch ass dems fuck up any chance for useful change in health care.
I want the dems to grow a pair, they got a real mandate during the election but still all they can
talk about is bipartisan bullshit, personally I think it's so they can keep blaming the rebups, and that's the issue they are still in the mindset of avoiding blame for fuck ups instead of wanting credit for a job well done. They need to stand up and say ok here is our plan, yall on the othe side of the isle are welcome to join us working out the details but if you don't like the basic plan that's fine, whine and bitch but stay outta the way. Yeah go cry to ORielly and his little impersonator (not Colbert, the other one the shitty one) about how making sure everyone can see a doctor is evil socialism. Instead they just water shit down until the repubs are sorta ok with it, and the "blue dogs" who are actually the bigger problem here. Where's the other side in this debate? All I hear is how it's socialist, where are the rest of the comentators screaming cause it's not social enough? I want single payer national healthcare! Fuck the insurance companies, they've fucked us long enough.
UPDATE: lots of people have rambled bullshit about this, the only reason I did is because I don't care for Bud Light and i think his choice was a political move, i just think it's sad that politics have gotten to the point where the President can't even drink a beer without thinking about how it will look to the people. Of course there is the chance that he just likes Bud Light, my dad does, it's not terrible beer its just dull beer.
"How is American beer like sex in a canoe?"
"It's Fucking close to water!"
- Andrew, someone I knew when I flew. He was a character...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32210408/ns/politics-white_house/
(this is my first attempt bloggin from my phone and I'm not sure how to make links pretty, hopefully they don't try to make me learn HTML at this point)
But I have one major major concern here. The cop asked for blue moon, a tasty brew, the harvard bloke wants red stripe, horray beer! And the leader of the free world is going to sip on bud light.... BUD FUCKING LIGHT!! Seriously? Ok I'm sure it's a calculated move like everything he does, he probably had advisors telling him what would be the exact right beer so as not to look pretentious, it had to be an American beer obviously. He probably just said what's the best selling beer in the country and figured that would be a good pick to look like an average Joe, but as I've said many times you're the fucking president you are by deffinition the elite, pretty much as high up there as you can get without Simon clapping for you, you don't need to pretend to be average Joe. Yeah it worked for the last guy but it's probably best not to look at him for ideas on how to be prez. He should have had an Arrogant Bastard Ale then wrote a note to the company saying, I am worthy.
Oh and yeah he should have had an American beer, I almost forgot bud isn't American anymore, I think some Belgian company makes that swill now. I realize he can't show up with ahold bottle of Sam Adams utopia and not catch shit, although a regular Sam would be a good choice. Then again maybe he just doesn't like beer so he got water instead, or bud light which is close enough.
As for the meeting itself, meh. It makes sense, just try to get that little mess behind us so he can get back to letting the repubs and bitch ass dems fuck up any chance for useful change in health care.
I want the dems to grow a pair, they got a real mandate during the election but still all they can
talk about is bipartisan bullshit, personally I think it's so they can keep blaming the rebups, and that's the issue they are still in the mindset of avoiding blame for fuck ups instead of wanting credit for a job well done. They need to stand up and say ok here is our plan, yall on the othe side of the isle are welcome to join us working out the details but if you don't like the basic plan that's fine, whine and bitch but stay outta the way. Yeah go cry to ORielly and his little impersonator (not Colbert, the other one the shitty one) about how making sure everyone can see a doctor is evil socialism. Instead they just water shit down until the repubs are sorta ok with it, and the "blue dogs" who are actually the bigger problem here. Where's the other side in this debate? All I hear is how it's socialist, where are the rest of the comentators screaming cause it's not social enough? I want single payer national healthcare! Fuck the insurance companies, they've fucked us long enough.
UPDATE: lots of people have rambled bullshit about this, the only reason I did is because I don't care for Bud Light and i think his choice was a political move, i just think it's sad that politics have gotten to the point where the President can't even drink a beer without thinking about how it will look to the people. Of course there is the chance that he just likes Bud Light, my dad does, it's not terrible beer its just dull beer.
"How is American beer like sex in a canoe?"
"It's Fucking close to water!"
- Andrew, someone I knew when I flew. He was a character...
Greetings to you all, that is to any readers who are still here and still awake. I have risen from my own slumber but suspect that this will, alas, be a brief return. My reason for writing after so long is simply too important for me not to try to exploit the modest popularity this blog once held.
I wrote many moons ago in my article The Importance of Being Satirical about the pivotal role humour plays in communicating important messages to the masses. Tim Minchin is a staggeringly intelligent atheist and sceptic in his own right, and more than adequately equipped to write a serious blog. Fortunately for us all, he is also a phenomenally gifted pianist, singer, writer and comedian, which means we are able to hear his views through the more pleasurable medium of music. The level of intelligence and comedy in his writing is almost as breath taking as his performance, which is always immaculately flawless. Despite the most intricate, articulate lyrics, no word is ever stumbled, nor note ever fumbled (sorry, I’ve listened to so many of his songs and poems in the last week that I’m actually starting to think in rhyme!).
Well I could wax lyrical all day (cringing pun very much intended, my apologies) but I would rather let the great man speak for himself. I am only going to link to one clip directly, but I advise you all to enjoy the many songs available on Youtube, or better still go to his website and purchase his CDs/DVDs.
This is a nine minute beat poem called Storm. From now on, this is what I will use to inform people I meet of my views on the world. It is, quite simply, a masterpiece.
As to any return to writing for me, I am not in a position to make any announcement. I am in the process of reading heavily on Ayn Rand’s Objectivism. As I agree with everything I’ve read so far, I would probably call myself a student of the philosophy. I suspect that by the end of the year I will have to make a decision to either accept it completely or reject it, at least partially.
If I do begin writing again I will probably start a new site under a different name. While my atheism is secure, my political and philosophical beliefs have shifted considerably since I was writing articles on this site. A new, clearly defined start would certainly be necessary. If and when I do I will announce and link on this site, and I certainly intend to leave A Load of Bright available for the time being (although I do have a backlog of comments to approve – my apologies if you are still waiting unless your comment is simply Christian preaching or abuse in which case give up, I’m just going to delete it).
I hope you are all well. I am, as ever, reachable by email. Any comments, regarding Tim Minchin or my perpetual inertia are welcome.
Eine Kleine Nattermusing has been added to The Atheist Blogroll. You can see the blogroll in my sidebar. The Atheist blogroll is a community building service provided free of charge to Atheist bloggers from around the world. If you would like to join, visit Mojoey at Deep Thoughts for more information.
I'm not sure why but I want to slap stickers on my bike, the single speed not the TCR. Environmental stickers seem appropriate, but then again I also like being confrontational about my world view so there are some others I like too. But there's also the issue that it's a bike so there's not a ton of room. I could probably fit a full size bumper sticker on the downtube but anywhere else would need to be smaller.
In no particular order here's a few I like.
Two Hands
Fascism
Oh good site here.... and they're bike sized
Welfare vs Military
TV Transmitters
Meat
And a Pin,
Programing?
In no particular order here's a few I like.
Two Hands
Fascism
Oh good site here.... and they're bike sized
Welfare vs Military
TV Transmitters
Meat
And a Pin,
Programing?
I'm not sure why but I want to slap stickers on my bike, the single speed not the TCR. Environmental stickers seem appropriate, but then again I also like being confrontational about my world view so there are some others I like too. But there's also the issue that it's a bike so there's not a ton of room. I could probably fit a full size bumper sticker on the downtube but anywhere else would need to be smaller.
In no particular order here's a few I like.
Two Hands
Fascism
Oh good site here.... and they're bike sized
Welfare vs Military
TV Transmitters
Meat
And a Pin,
Programing?
In no particular order here's a few I like.
Two Hands
Fascism
Oh good site here.... and they're bike sized
Welfare vs Military
TV Transmitters
Meat
And a Pin,
Programing?
It's come up a few times and from what I can tell the basic answer is, meh. Even wikipedia's entry seems pretty ambivalent about their use. There are a few problems. It's almost impossible to build a helmet thats going to provide serious protection while still allowing enough ventilation so you don't overheat your noggin. Another problem is the testing method which makes it so the only way a helmet will pass is if the foam is very hard, which means that your head deforms before the foam. If the foam doesn't deform then it defeats the point of a helmet. From what I read it seems like a helmet is quite good for preventing scrapes and even serious skin damage. The problem is they don't seem to be effective at preventing life threatening injuries. Plus they actually increase the risk of rotational injuries. You don't want your brain to twist inside of your head, its very bad.
To be honest though I'm biased. I hate wearing a helmet, it's uncomfortable and goofy looking. I do my best to ride safely which I think provides far far more security than any lil chunk of foam and plastic can provide.
To be honest though I'm biased. I hate wearing a helmet, it's uncomfortable and goofy looking. I do my best to ride safely which I think provides far far more security than any lil chunk of foam and plastic can provide.
It's come up a few times and from what I can tell the basic answer is, meh. Even wikipedia's entry seems pretty ambivalent about their use. There are a few problems. It's almost impossible to build a helmet thats going to provide serious protection while still allowing enough ventilation so you don't overheat your noggin. Another problem is the testing method which makes it so the only way a helmet will pass is if the foam is very hard, which means that your head deforms before the foam. If the foam doesn't deform then it defeats the point of a helmet. From what I read it seems like a helmet is quite good for preventing scrapes and even serious skin damage. The problem is they don't seem to be effective at preventing life threatening injuries. Plus they actually increase the risk of rotational injuries. You don't want your brain to twist inside of your head, its very bad.
To be honest though I'm biased. I hate wearing a helmet, it's uncomfortable and goofy looking. I do my best to ride safely which I think provides far far more security than any lil chunk of foam and plastic can provide.
To be honest though I'm biased. I hate wearing a helmet, it's uncomfortable and goofy looking. I do my best to ride safely which I think provides far far more security than any lil chunk of foam and plastic can provide.
MEMORANDUM
DATE: ∞
TO: God
FROM: Teleprompter
SUBJECT: Doubt
I hope you are well, whoever or wherever you may be. My friends and family have urged me to contact you over some pressing issues I have encountered. I hope that I am not wasting your time. Here are some of my questions for you:
1. "Your followers call you the judge of the world. You are expected to love justice and fair play. You’re expected to loath all ill treatment of one person by another. A corrupt judge who has no interest in seeing right triumph over wrong is, by biblical standards, a monstrosity.
Moreover, a judge who is found to be living a double life–one condemning criminals and one condoning his own crimes–deserves no such respect, honor or admiration."
- paraphrased from statements made by Demian Farnworth, Christian apologist
So why do you allow so much injustice in your name? Why have you allowed your followers to mistreat women, gays and minorities? Why do you allow wholesale slaughter of tribes with differing theological views?
Why do you condemn those who murder in the Ten Commandments yet simultaneously order the genocide of thousands at Sihon (Deuteronomy 2:34), Bashan (Deuteronomy 3:3), Jericho (Joshua 6:21), Ai (Joshua 8:2), Libnah (Joshua 10:30), Lachish (Joshua 10:32), Eglon (Joshua 10:35), Hebron (Joshua 10:37), Debir (Joshua 10:39), the Negev (Joshua 10:40), and the northern royal cities (Joshua 11:14)? Why did you allow the destruction of the Anakites (Joshua 11:21-22)? Why did you order the total decimation of the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizites, Hivites, and Jebusites (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)?
Why did you harden the hearts of the kings of some of these cities so that you could wage war against them so that your followers “might destroy them totally, exterminating them without mercy” according to your commands (Joshua 11:21)?
(NOTE: this project is an ongoing series; I will devote each installment to a new question; once again, thanks for your participation!)
(SECOND NOTE: part of the opening section to this essay is a paraphrase of commentary written by Demian Farnworth on his blog Fallen and Flawed; you can read the essay in which his statements originally appeared here. The paraphrase was borrowed for rhetorical comparison.)
DATE: ∞
TO: God
FROM: Teleprompter
SUBJECT: Doubt
I hope you are well, whoever or wherever you may be. My friends and family have urged me to contact you over some pressing issues I have encountered. I hope that I am not wasting your time. Here are some of my questions for you:
1. "Your followers call you the judge of the world. You are expected to love justice and fair play. You’re expected to loath all ill treatment of one person by another. A corrupt judge who has no interest in seeing right triumph over wrong is, by biblical standards, a monstrosity.
Moreover, a judge who is found to be living a double life–one condemning criminals and one condoning his own crimes–deserves no such respect, honor or admiration."
- paraphrased from statements made by Demian Farnworth, Christian apologist
So why do you allow so much injustice in your name? Why have you allowed your followers to mistreat women, gays and minorities? Why do you allow wholesale slaughter of tribes with differing theological views?
Why do you condemn those who murder in the Ten Commandments yet simultaneously order the genocide of thousands at Sihon (Deuteronomy 2:34), Bashan (Deuteronomy 3:3), Jericho (Joshua 6:21), Ai (Joshua 8:2), Libnah (Joshua 10:30), Lachish (Joshua 10:32), Eglon (Joshua 10:35), Hebron (Joshua 10:37), Debir (Joshua 10:39), the Negev (Joshua 10:40), and the northern royal cities (Joshua 11:14)? Why did you allow the destruction of the Anakites (Joshua 11:21-22)? Why did you order the total decimation of the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizites, Hivites, and Jebusites (Deuteronomy 7:1-2)?
Why did you harden the hearts of the kings of some of these cities so that you could wage war against them so that your followers “might destroy them totally, exterminating them without mercy” according to your commands (Joshua 11:21)?
(NOTE: this project is an ongoing series; I will devote each installment to a new question; once again, thanks for your participation!)
(SECOND NOTE: part of the opening section to this essay is a paraphrase of commentary written by Demian Farnworth on his blog Fallen and Flawed; you can read the essay in which his statements originally appeared here. The paraphrase was borrowed for rhetorical comparison.)
Right now I would take homeopaths and I'd put them in a big sack with psychics, astrologers and priests. And I'd close the top of the sack with string, and I'd hit them all with sticks...And when someone asks the big questions - I don't know what happens after a I die, or what happens when my loved ones die, or how do I stop myself from dying - the big questions and they give you a nice bullshit answer and you say 'Well, do you have any evidence for that? and they say "There's more to life than evidence". Get in the fucking sack.-Dara O'Brian
In one of his stand up routines, Irish comedian Dara O'Brian uttered the statement above - a brilliant expression for the distaste one has for the popularity of the irrational and the moronic that swims through our culture. In that spirit, I've decided to add a new monthly feature to the Atheist Handbook - Get in the Frakin' Sack. It's not complicated, really. I will just select someone or something that should be worth of being put in O'Brian 's sack and pulped with sticks.
A quick look at the headlines a given week will result in a fine list of sack worthy people out there, but in keeping with the routine in which O'Brian talks about the sack, I decided this month the sack ought to be filled with the news media.
I make this choice for two reasons - first, I work in the news media and if I am going to suggest anyone be put in the sack, I suppose I should go first. And second, the media has been stepping on some many rakes lately that when someone asks what I do for a living I usually choose a profession more popular with the general public. You know, like lawyers, or dentists or mob assassins.
It would take an entire blog to discuss the moronic choices made daily in my profession, but this month has a particular one that just shows how damn dumb the entire news media can be. I present you with exhibit A: bird shit on a car.
Now, you might be saying "Bird crap. Big deal. Who give a crap, if you don't mind the pun." To which I would agree complete. Sadly, far far too many of my professional colleagues think dried avian feces is totally news worthy? Why? Beacuse several totally insane people think that this particular bit of bird crap is a supernatural sign from god. Specifically, they think the shit looks like the Virgin Mary and is therefore a miracle. If I even need to crack a wise ass joke at this point to drive the point home, I think I'll cry.
The coverage of this was, to my endless chagrin, utterly credulous. That people think bird crap represents divine intervention wasn't question at all, particularly on television, with the news hosts afterwards shrugging, giggling and saying "well anything is possible."
Anything is possible? Like I could, I dunno, reach my hands through the screen and strangle the news anchor who says such things? The correct response is to say these people are very probably insane. Or better yet, if someone calls your newsroom saying the bird shit on their car looks like god, you can offer them a phone number to the local mental ward.
Of course, bird droppings are not the only place the divine has made itself known of late. In Ireland, believers think Mary appears in the wood grains in a tree stump. I kind you not. Some of the locals want the stump encased in glass!! And as always, the news media reports it with the same seriousness as it would a terrorist attack or the results of an election. It's as if because this involved religion, journalist lose the ability to ask critical questions. Look, I am not asking for the Watergate investigation here - just the use of one or two brain cells to determine that bird shit is just bird shit. I'm actually surprised the folks over at the Discovery Institute haven't jumped on these stories as evidence of a cosmic designer.
I suppose this all raises another point. If you really believed in an all powerful ruler of the entire universe, wouldn't you expect a little more from him than tree stumps and bird crap? I mean, read the Bible - when god wanted his presence know he did it in style - drowning the entire world, creating burning bushes that talk, parting the seas, or conjuring bears to eat a bunch of mouthy kids. Never mind the time he showed up IN PERSON to mock the hapless Job. The point is, god didn't screw around back in the day. He was an angry, in your face kinda guy.
Today? Well if god exists either he's so far past his prime now he can't see it through the rearview window behind him, or the standards of what impresses people have seriously declined. No more talking burning bushes, or turning poor old ladies into pillars of salt. No, god is down to appearing in cheese toast, bird crap and in the side of a Tim Horton's. I mean, what happened? Wouldn't a believer want a few fire works instead of a stain on their car?
In any case, for all those reporters and editors who covered the "appearance" of god in bird crap and tree stumps — get in the frakin' sack.
Right now I would take homeopaths and I'd put them in a big sack with psychics, astrologers and priests. And I'd close the top of the sack with string, and I'd hit them all with sticks...And when someone asks the big questions - I don't know what happens after a I die, or what happens when my loved ones die, or how do I stop myself from dying - the big questions and they give you a nice bullshit answer and you say 'Well, do you have any evidence for that? and they say "There's more to life than evidence". Get in the fucking sack.-Dara O'Brian
In one of his stand up routines, Irish comedian Dara O'Brian uttered the statement above - a brilliant expression for the distaste one has for the popularity of the irrational and the moronic that swims through our culture. In that spirit, I've decided to add a new monthly feature to the Atheist Handbook - Get in the Frakin' Sack. It's not complicated, really. I will just select someone or something that should be worth of being put in O'Brian 's sack and pulped with sticks.
A quick look at the headlines a given week will result in a fine list of sack worthy people out there, but in keeping with the routine in which O'Brian talks about the sack, I decided this month the sack ought to be filled with the news media.
I make this choice for two reasons - first, I work in the news media and if I am going to suggest anyone be put in the sack, I suppose I should go first. And second, the media has been stepping on some many rakes lately that when someone asks what I do for a living I usually choose a profession more popular with the general public. You know, like lawyers, or dentists or mob assassins.
It would take an entire blog to discuss the moronic choices made daily in my profession, but this month has a particular one that just shows how damn dumb the entire news media can be. I present you with exhibit A: bird shit on a car.
Now, you might be saying "Bird crap. Big deal. Who give a crap, if you don't mind the pun." To which I would agree complete. Sadly, far far too many of my professional colleagues think dried avian feces is totally news worthy? Why? Beacuse several totally insane people think that this particular bit of bird crap is a supernatural sign from god. Specifically, they think the shit looks like the Virgin Mary and is therefore a miracle. If I even need to crack a wise ass joke at this point to drive the point home, I think I'll cry.
The coverage of this was, to my endless chagrin, utterly credulous. That people think bird crap represents divine intervention wasn't question at all, particularly on television, with the news hosts afterwards shrugging, giggling and saying "well anything is possible."
Anything is possible? Like I could, I dunno, reach my hands through the screen and strangle the news anchor who says such things? The correct response is to say these people are very probably insane. Or better yet, if someone calls your newsroom saying the bird shit on their car looks like god, you can offer them a phone number to the local mental ward.
Of course, bird droppings are not the only place the divine has made itself known of late. In Ireland, believers think Mary appears in the wood grains in a tree stump. I kind you not. Some of the locals want the stump encased in glass!! And as always, the news media reports it with the same seriousness as it would a terrorist attack or the results of an election. It's as if because this involved religion, journalist lose the ability to ask critical questions. Look, I am not asking for the Watergate investigation here - just the use of one or two brain cells to determine that bird shit is just bird shit. I'm actually surprised the folks over at the Discovery Institute haven't jumped on these stories as evidence of a cosmic designer.
I suppose this all raises another point. If you really believed in an all powerful ruler of the entire universe, wouldn't you expect a little more from him than tree stumps and bird crap? I mean, read the Bible - when god wanted his presence know he did it in style - drowning the entire world, creating burning bushes that talk, parting the seas, or conjuring bears to eat a bunch of mouthy kids. Never mind the time he showed up IN PERSON to mock the hapless Job. The point is, god didn't screw around back in the day. He was an angry, in your face kinda guy.
Today? Well if god exists either he's so far past his prime now he can't see it through the rearview window behind him, or the standards of what impresses people have seriously declined. No more talking burning bushes, or turning poor old ladies into pillars of salt. No, god is down to appearing in cheese toast, bird crap and in the side of a Tim Horton's. I mean, what happened? Wouldn't a believer want a few fire works instead of a stain on their car?
In any case, for all those reporters and editors who covered the "appearance" of god in bird crap and tree stumps — get in the frakin' sack.
A few weeks ago, after the news that Richard Dawkins (rightly, IMO) decided not to accept an offer to “debate” Ray “Tampon Case/Banana Man” Comfort, YouTube user Thunderf00t made a video offering to have a conversation with Comfort.
Comfort apparently accepted, and Thunderf00t and Comfort met up to discuss things.
The results can be seen on YouTube.
I’ve not seen the videos yet, so can’t offer any opinion on them. However, knowing Comfort’s style of FAIL argumentation and quality of “evidence”, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Thunderf00t kick Comforts arse. Intellectually speaking.
This is just too funny!
What is the better vessel? Noah’s ark or the Millennium Falcon?
Well, Noah’s ark is real, and the Millennium Falcon is… is fake.
ROFLcopter is, by far, a better vessel than Noah’s boat: at least it can fly.
As one interviewee describes the actions of these godbots:
People will go to any lengths for comedy, I guess.
Somehow, I don’t think these asshats are doing it for comedy, but then again, that’s the essence of a Poe, right?
/hattip: Religious People Are Funny
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