Creationist criminal Kent Hovind, who is serving a much-publicized prison sentence for large-scale tax evasion, has just published an alleged conversation with Me. I know I’ve made Myself scarce lately, but this slander forces Me to break My silence and clear the record. I am not, nor have I ever been, incarcerated in a federal penitentiary. More importantly, I do not love Kent Hovind.
The conversation Hovind published is a complete fabrication, but I wish to single out several portions for divine disavowment anyway:
GOD: Son, time has no effect on me. I created it. I am always here to help you and guide you in any area of your life. Go ahead with your questions, son.
Does Kent have any idea how much work I have as chief administrator of all 3,285,113,145,853,231,958 planets in the Universe (3,285,113,145,853,231,959 if you count Pluto)? Kent Hovind can’t wipe his own ass without praying for guidance to find the crack. My plan to inoculate Christians against thinking for themselves has backfired.
KH: These last seven months in prison have been rather difficult for me, Lord. In fact, in the last month, I’ve been in five different facilities.
GOD: I know, son. I’ve been with you the entire time (Hebrews 13:5).
For the record, I have not been with Kent Hovind the entire time. I have not been with him at all. I would rather cut off my antennae with a wooden spatula than socialize with that sycophantic ninny.
And that’s enough “son” crap. I don’t have a son. I have a brother named Duke and he has a kid named Jesus, who people have mistaken for my son. I’m a bit out of Mary’s league, though. She wasn’t much of a looker.
KH: Well God, yesterday was especially hard. I couldn’t sleep the night before because I expected them to call me at 3:30 a.m. to pack up for the bus ride up here to South Carolina.
GOD: I know, son. I was right there with you. I heard your prayers throughout that long night. We had sweet fellowship, didn’t we? Thank you for loving me and talking with me.
Just what kind of “sweet fellowship” is he implying throughout that “long night”? Quoth Bill Clinton, “I did! not! have! sexual relations with that man!!!”
GOD: Yes, son. I know all about being treated badly and being real uncomfortable. But, son, have other men gone through this before?
Yeah, My throne up in Heaven really makes My butt itch if I sit in it the wrong way. I have it rough.
The only reason I keep Kent’s heart beating is so he can torture the other inmates with this sort of yacking, but I’m beginning to doubt that decision. Is annoying them worth suffering this much annoyance Myself?
Blasphemy, creationist, God, kent hovind, Sycophants, tax evasionThis has got to be the worst website in the history of the internet, truly dreadful on an epic scale.
You think that looks bad?
On the actual site, the rainbow background is a looped graphic cycling through all the colours, that white blob is a dove which flies around the page, and I’m not even going to mention the awful continuous looped “music”.
If you really want to subject your eyes to this abomination, click on the link below.
Works best (or rather worst) using IE.
Let me see it.
Those with photosensitive epilepsy will probably want to avoid this one.
This has got to be the worst website in the history of the internet, truly dreadful on an epic scale.
You think that looks bad?
On the actual site, the rainbow background is a looped graphic cycling through all the colours, that white blob is a dove which flies around the page, and I’m not even going to mention the awful continuous looped “music”.
If you really want to subject your eyes to this abomination, click on the link below.
Works best (or rather worst) using IE.
Let me see it.
Those with photosensitive epilepsy will probably want to avoid this one.
From mwillett.org
Let us take responsibility for our own actions, inactions, strengths and frailties and not project them onto ghosts, spirits, stars, portents and gods unseen.
Let us have the courage to accept that one person’s faith is another person’s bloody-minded pig-headed refusal to accept the obvious.
Let us have the courage to accept that the person at the front of all crowds, including this one, doesn’t know all the answers.
Let us have the wisdom to accept that if our ancestors had fared differently in wars our communities would be holding different absurdities up as sacred truths, and the willingness to accept those absurdities would be seen as the badge of social trustworthiness or even the right to be allowed to draw breath.
Let us accept that the difference between a prophet and a madman is not what they say but whether the crowd accepts the story and tells their children to believe it.
Let us have the courage to accept that wanting to believe in something with every fibre of our being does not and cannot make it true.
Truth needs no help, no believers, no bowed heads and no amens.
From mwillett.org
Let us take responsibility for our own actions, inactions, strengths and frailties and not project them onto ghosts, spirits, stars, portents and gods unseen.
Let us have the courage to accept that one person’s faith is another person’s bloody-minded pig-headed refusal to accept the obvious.
Let us have the courage to accept that the person at the front of all crowds, including this one, doesn’t know all the answers.
Let us have the wisdom to accept that if our ancestors had fared differently in wars our communities would be holding different absurdities up as sacred truths, and the willingness to accept those absurdities would be seen as the badge of social trustworthiness or even the right to be allowed to draw breath.
Let us accept that the difference between a prophet and a madman is not what they say but whether the crowd accepts the story and tells their children to believe it.
Let us have the courage to accept that wanting to believe in something with every fibre of our being does not and cannot make it true.
Truth needs no help, no believers, no bowed heads and no amens.
Some people might find Pat Condell’s subject matter and opinions offensive – viewer discretion recommended.
Personally, I love this guy, he tells it like it is without pulling any punches. His delivery is thought provoking and witty. Check out his other vids at the link below:
Some people might find Pat Condell’s subject matter and opinions offensive – viewer discretion recommended.
Personally, I love this guy, he tells it like it is without pulling any punches. His delivery is thought provoking and witty. Check out his other vids at the link below:
I am proud to have become one of the newest blogs on the Atheist Blogroll.
The Atheist Blogroll is a list of several hundred blogs written by Atheists. A list of the most recently updated blogs can be seen on the right hand side of this page (scroll down a bit).
If you want to know more about the blogroll, or if you have a blog that would be suitable, click on the link below.
I am proud to have become one of the newest blogs on the Atheist Blogroll.
The Atheist Blogroll is a list of several hundred blogs written by Atheists. A list of the most recently updated blogs can be seen on the right hand side of this page (scroll down a bit).
If you want to know more about the blogroll, or if you have a blog that would be suitable, click on the link below.
You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, don't mess with Mister In-Between
A women kneels down on the floor in the front, inviting all of the children to sit with her. When the children had assembled, she opened a newspaper. "Do you want to read the news?" she said. "Let's see what's happening. Do you want to her about all of the soldiers who were killed in the war?" The kids, confused, weren't sure whether to say yes or no. "How about this one -- a singer gets drunk, and crashes her car into a tree! Do you want to hear about that?" More confusion from the kids. It goes on for a little while, and finally ends with this gem, "Or how about this one -- a man rapes and kills his four-year-old daughter. How many of you are four?" She finally gets to her point, "This is all bad news, isn't it? That's why the bible is called The Good News."And that was it. It sure is a good thing I wasn't there. I would have intervened long before the woman whipped out her punchline. That woman should be ashamed of herself.
Well this seems pretty flawless logic to me. If anyone has spotted any logical fallacies, please leave a comment.
The Argument from Evolution, by Kyle J. Gerkin in his article ‘A Counterclockwise Paley’,
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